G-6DEFP72BRX Resilience and Redemption with Boyd Clark - Dads Interrupted

Episode 5

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Published on:

2nd Jul 2024

Resilience and Redemption with Boyd Clark

Boyd is a former sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps and dad of 3 girls.

He openly discusses his own struggles as a dad, while making it abundantly clear that being a dad is the greatest role he's played . . . and that's saying A LOT.

He drops some serious insights on the need for the right mindset around mistakes.

Boyd shares the complicated nature of his relationship with his own father, and how he was able to learn what NOT to do as a father from him.

This conversation is both heart-wrenching and heartwarming.

All this and more...

This... is Dads Interrupted.

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Transcript
Speaker:

All right welcome to another

episode of Dad's Interrupted.

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I'm super stoked today.

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I've got an incredible guest who is

going to provide so much value for

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the men and dads who are listening.

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His name is Boyd Clark.

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Boyd describes himself as a dad trying to

do his best and He's a man of many words,

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but that's the few words that he gave me

when I asked him to tell me about himself.

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I think that's really something that

a lot of us dads are trying to do,

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but we get kind of stuck and lost

in, and how do we actually do that?

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So we're going to dig in and dive

deep into how Boyd approaches that.

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And before we do, Boyd.

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Welcome to Dads Interrupted.

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Thank you, it's good to be here.

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I've been looking forward to this.

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I've been kind of nervous actually,

too, you know what I'm saying?

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I won't lie to you, but, you know,

just, my main goal since I got out

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of the Marine Corps is to help people

and if I can help, , dads and parents

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especially, hey man, sign me up, brother.

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Hell yeah, I love that.

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So the first question I ask every

guest is what does it mean to

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you to be an interrupted dad?

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Honestly, it's like when I think of

it, it's like to be an interrupted

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dad, , it's You never get a chance for

yourself, , I mean an interrupt to dad,

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you know I'm saying like there's never

no meet on there's no personal time.

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It's always daddy.

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Can you help me do this daddy?

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Can we do this?

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, hey, honey, can you do this?

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It's a it's always something man.

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So to find valuable reset

time for me is crucial.

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And I mean, even though it comes

late at night, you know what I mean?

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It too.

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I'm talking to a three o'clock man

before I go to sleep and then I'll get

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up and be at the gym at nine o'clock.

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Trying to start the day and

get home before the girls

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get up so I can be with them.

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We homeschool.

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We're together 24 hours a day.

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So, man, like it's,, it

gets rough sometimes.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Being in each other's face 24 hours

a day and not getting a break.

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But They, they need us, you know to show

them things, ? To, they're little people.

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Just trying to find their way.

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And if we don't give them all of

our time, man, and just, , we can't

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put ourselves off too much, but if

we don't give them that time now,

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We'll look back on it later and, , hate ourselves for it.

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. Yeah, , that makes a lot of sense.

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, when I first developed this idea

of interrupted, I was thinking

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of the movie girl interrupted.

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I don't know if you remember that.

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I'm 45 years old.

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And that was a movie that came

out when I was , in my teens.

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But that movie is about mental health.

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And for me, that interruption.

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, is sometimes literal like you're

talking about and finding that space

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for ourselves, but it's also something

for me about the lack of skills that

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we're really taught when we're kids,

especially if we've had poor models

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ourselves , of fathers or parents , , and

men are, in general, are very much

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told not to talk about their emotions,

so communication becomes a challenge.

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Relationships are challenging.

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Parenting is challenging , for

almost every parent.

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, unless you got secrets I don't know about.

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There's no parenting playbook out

there that I've found that says,

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, this is what you do in this moment

and next moment and next moment.

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So, for me, the interruptions are

literal, but they're also emotional.

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. And it's , finding your way through

all of the sometimes murky waters

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, of being a dad and a husband.

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And like you said, showing up

as the best person, best father,

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best husband you can be every day.

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And if you don't hit that mark.

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, not beating yourself up over

it , for very long, because you

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got to get up the next day and do

it again/ /So, that is a challenge.

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Can you dive a little bit deeper

into your relationship with your own

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father and how that kind of affected

you, whether positive or negative

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and , what you learned, either what

he taught you or what maybe he taught

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you by, , showing you what not to do.

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Well, I'll tell you this.

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I love my dad.

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We love our parents, but our

relationship was based off of drinking

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and partying and all that shit.

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At a young age, , so I

never really was taught.

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What not to do.

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It was just like, Hey, follow my

lead and you're, you can do this.

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And , what else, there's really

never been no respect from him to me.

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You know, even after I went

overseas and come back We were

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drinking one day and you know, I,

I just, I was like, well, fuck man.

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Look what I've been through.

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And he threw his arms up and

was just like, nobody cares.

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And I, I stopped talking to him, right?

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Like that moment I just shut my

mouth because I got so pissed off.

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I literally could've beat his ass, but

I, I chose to leave because I love him.

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And, , it's never really

been much of a support.

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So I've pretty much since 16

years old been on my own since

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my mom died, made my own way.

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I was a coal miner for five years and

then decided to get out of here because

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I didn't, coal mining, you're, you hurt,

man, you know what I mean, , , you're

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bent over all the time, it's hard

work, man, so you're eating pain pills

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to just keep going and I'm just, I

don't want to be that way, you know,

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I, I try to model who I am after my

grandpa Lester, man, , he was one

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of the greatest people I know, man.

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, awesome dude.

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He never showed up without

pop, baloney chips.

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, make sure everybody had some type

of person to go to the nursing homes

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on the weekend and just to visit

people and lift their spirits up.

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So I try to model myself after him, man.

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And that's, that's why a

lot of people get mad at me.

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Because I'm just real, I don't give

a shit, , , they want to talk about,,

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Hey, this, that, well, we went over

overseas to fight for people's freedoms,

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but yeah, when we come home, we want

to run our mouths, about things that

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don't even concern us, man, but my

relationship with my dad has showed me

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things that I will never do to my kids,

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and how I want to be, I just want

to be their everything to them.

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Because they're my everything,

you know, so I don't know, man.

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lost, you know what I mean?

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Just thinking about all the bad shit

in there, but it just wasn't good.

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It wasn't good.

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, and , I don't want to model

myself after that, dude.

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I want to give my kids the best

of me, not the worst of me.

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You know what I'm saying?

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He kicked my ass and I

won't even whip my kids.

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I love my kids too much to

put my hands up on them.

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There's ways of teaching children

and other than beating them, , so

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that's just, it wasn't good, man.

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It was, it was an ass kicking here

and there, a blame, a party all the

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time, , and it just drove me away.

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Yeah.

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Still to this day, that's what it is.

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I can't go five minutes, be

around him for five minutes.

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I'm allowed in the house.

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I don't even know what,

like, I don't care.

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But it's just that's the point

that it's got to and it's all him

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and I've tried to show love But I

just can't get the respect back.

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That's the relationship of my dad.

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I appreciate you sharing all that I'm

sure that resonates with a lot of the

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audience And it's helpful to hear the

thing that stood out to me that you

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said Despite all of that is I love my

dad And one of the things you mentioned

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in , our preliminary, , meeting, our

questions was how love, I asked you , what

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your biggest strength is, and you told

me that love comes naturally to you.

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Can you tell me and tell the

listeners, , where you think that started

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and , how that ? came to pass and why

is leading with love so important?

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Well, honestly, like I said, my

grandpa Lester was a big, big role

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model to me and he had a big heart.

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He was just a great person.

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I believe that everybody deserves

a chance, man, , and love, like I

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said, I have no reason to hate you.

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So why shouldn't I love you and

want good for you and hope that

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you pass that mojo on, , because it

starts with each individual person.

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Okay, if I come and throw shade at

you right off the bat, you're gonna

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be ill, we'll put you in a bad mood,

whatnot, but if I greet you, hey,

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how are you, , how's your day going,

, excuse me, sir, thank you, ma'am, , the

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common courtesy thing, , it just, love

to me is just something that is my

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driving force, because I'm so positive.

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And I believe that there's just so much

good that we can do if we just, , start

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working together, man, and stop fighting

and arguing, be able to bend a little

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bit, , but not break because we're all,

it's my word and that's what I say.

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No, man, , love proper that way because

there's always going to be tension.

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So if we can't bend a little bit and

accept, Hey, this is who this person

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is, and then be able to accept you for

who you are, , there's not going to be

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any real love, , it takes being genuine

and actual caring, man, and thought and

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planning and thinking about a person,

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it just, there's a lot that goes into it.

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And dude, , I'm so full

of it that I just, I.

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I feel like I can explode it

out to people, man, , but I

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can feel it right now, man.

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Yeah, man.

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I'm just I'm so pumped up about

just the thought of raising my

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kids positive being there and

just show like showing the people.

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It's not hard.

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It's really not hard.

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You choose to be upset.

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You choose to be the way that you are

and it's just as easy to love as it

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is to be an asshole to somebody, in my

eyes, and I don't want to hurt nobody.

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You know, I went to war for you.

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Why don't I want to

come home and hate you?

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I love you until you

give me a reason not to.

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As long as you don't hurt my kids,

or bother my kids, or, along that

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line, we don't have a problem.

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But love is just something that

is the driving force for me, man,

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because I've done some, , had to

do some bad things, and I want to

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make up for it as much as I can.

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So I feel the more good I do, it does me

a justice on the inside, mentally, and

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as a healing, you know what I'm saying?

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The more people I help.

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The better I feel about myself, and

that in turn drives that love and

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that passion and that fuel, to me?

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So, I mean, I don't know if I'm talking,

I can't hear myself talking, but I

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mean, I'm trying to make it make as

much sense as possible for you, man.

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Oh, it makes a lot of sense.

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It makes a lot of sense.

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The idea that you love someone

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, before you know who they are, ? Because

, we can make assumptions about people

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when we walk out the door and we look

at them, by the way , they look, the

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way they dress the color of their skin.

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Yet, we don't know who

they really are inside.

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We don't know what type

of person they are.

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And so, I know someone I

follow, Alok, speaks about

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compassion before comprehension.

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Compassion over comprehension.

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The idea that, You can love

someone, you can be compassionate

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for someone without necessarily

understanding everything about them.

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And maybe that

understanding comes in time.

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Maybe it never does, but that

doesn't mean you have to hate them

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because you don't understand them.

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Absolutely.

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And I love how you said to you, it's

just as easy to love as it is to hate,,

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I don't think that's the case for a lot

of people, I think a lot It's much easier

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, to hate, or hate may be a strong word,

but even dislike, just to go with that

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distaste , for others , and , not even

necessarily in a, I'm going to hurt that

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person sort of way, but just a, well, I

don't want to be around them, or I don't,

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that's not the type of person I, Talk

to meanwhile, they don't really start

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to get curious and ask those questions.

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So it's a really powerful frame for

people to think about for their own lives.

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And if it serves you, that's wonderful.

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The point of this podcast isn't

to tell you what to think.

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It's to make you question

how you're thinking and maybe

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start to, think differently.

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So if this serves you in any way, and

I hope it does think about how you

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approach , the outsiders, I'll say, , and

can you show them more compassion and

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love before you jump right down to I

don't like that person, , so, yeah, you

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gotta, you gotta be willing, man, to give

people a chance, because it's unfair, it's

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unfair of you to judge someone that you

don't give a chance to, like you said,

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understand, or at least get to know.

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So why not approach that person

with positivity and get it back.

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Feel the situation out.

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Start things off on a good, a good note.

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Instead of, , a shit note.

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It just, it's just as

easy to do that, man.

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War has made me see things so different.

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I'm so grateful to be

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just sitting here.

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You know what I mean?

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I have my friends, I've lost many, but,

I sit now and I look at the trees and

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I see them completely different, man.

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Like, when I came home I noticed that.

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And I don't see the trees and just stop,

it's like my mind works through the

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trees and I see the sky beyond the trees,

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I try to see life like that as well,

think beyond this moment, how's it

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going to be if you're sitting there

treating this person one way and

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then you find yourself in a position

that that person's in a position that

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puts you, , help you or hurt you.

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So, , play your cards right.

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Treat everybody well.

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Treat everybody the same.

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But, , some people just have that

to hell with it kind of mentality.

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, I just, I hate this world and

myself and that just makes me so

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sad, man, because there's so many.

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Awesome people that just don't

give their self a chance, man.

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That, life is shit on them and they're

just, they're not strong enough to get

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back up off the floor, man, , and that's

sad because there's so much potential

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lost in the world that it's, , it's

remarkable to me, but if all we do is

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just reach that person a hand and be

like, Hey man, Let me help you up, get

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your ass up off that ground, , give you

a little bit of positivity, a little bit

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of motivation, , maybe a little bit of

help, I mean, hell, some people can't

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do it yourself, that's why, that's why

I choose to step in and be the man that

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I am, , that I think I am, that I want

to be, , that leader, , that example.

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Yeah, that's incredible.

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It's such a powerful way to approach

not only fatherhood, but life in

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general, relationships, because

we got one chance at this, right?

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I mean, it's like, why,

would we, screw that up?

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But you're right.

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It's not easy.

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That's the thing.

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It's not easy.

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and some people do need help.

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I want to talk about Your gym ritual,

because I know you go to the gym quite

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a bit and it's , really important to you.

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But I want you to tell the audience , why

that's important to you, man, I'll tell

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you for, it was 12 years, 10 years.

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It took me, , I had to battle the VA

to, to help me with my back, , because

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I had broken it in Afghanistan.

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And when I got out, I had a month to

check out and do all this and that.

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And it was just like,

let the VA deal with you.

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So I went 10 years and suffered.

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, couldn't hardly do anything, man.

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Couldn't stand, couldn't

lay down, couldn't sit.

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I was always in pain.

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I wasn't taking pain pills.

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, but I was drinking a lot.

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And , I was able to kick that

habit a little while after, , I

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took a couple years, but I was

able to kick that habit, man.

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But I had back surgery and

was down another two years.

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So, that's a total of 12

years of my life gone.

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Shit that I miss with my kids, man.

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Playing and everything else.

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Well, something happened.

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, that sparked a fire in me, man.

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And I went to the gym that very next day

and I've stayed in at six to seven days

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a week or six to seven days a week for

freaking seven months straight, dude.

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And it has helped my

mental stability so much.

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I'll cry in there.

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I'll, I'll hurt.

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I'll take my pain.

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I'll take my passion and I'll put

it into bettering myself in there

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and just leaving all that shit.

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It's weighing me down in the gym.

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I've got buddies that , they

go with me every day.

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And it's like, we just, when we

walk into the gym, the people see

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us walk into the gym, they get

pumped up, they get motivated.

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There's smiles and shit because I

walk around and I introduce myself.

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Everybody that comes in, I know them.

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I speak to them.

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I motivate them.

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, they come in dirty from working in the

mines and it comes straight to work.

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And I know.

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That how the minds is man,

it's rough go over there.

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Hey, good job, man.

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At least you're here but that aura and

that vibe that I get man That happiness

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that i'm talking about that drives me

When the people see me coming in there

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and they get happy, it fuels me, man.

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It's like, yes, the positive, the

positivity is flowing and they're

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going to take that from the gym.

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It's just like that big ass

ball of positivity, man.

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I'm telling you, I wish

that you could just see it.

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You know how, how it is.

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They leave and they take that with them.

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That's going one way.

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There's positive energy going this

way, positive energy going this way.

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So it's not just.

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The gym for me, man.

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It's a sanctuary and , it's

a place of ease for my mind.

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I would say my body, but hell no, man.

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Hell no.

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, I don't go in there just to play around.

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I want to make up for lost time and be

able to be around here for a little

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extra longer with my kids, man, for

missing all that time with them, dude.

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And it just, I love it so much.

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And I love the people there.

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And the vibe that I get when I come

home and I know that people leave and

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they're just carrying that good shit

with a man, , just makes me feel great.

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That's really amazing.

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One of the things I think that I've

noticed in my own life and from some

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of the men that I've talked to is the

lack of community that some men have.

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And so that feeling of loneliness , even

if you're a married man, because, , you

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can only get so much from your partner.

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And I know she starts to,

she starts to wear down.

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Now she, right, right.

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Well, , it's like some, some things

you don't want to burden with.

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So having a community , of other

girls and guys, , , other people

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that you can lean on and talk to

and motivate each other and not

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feel so alone in the struggle.

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I mean, that's kind of the whole point

of this podcast is to help other men

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feel like there is a little bit of

community here that we all struggle with

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things and we're not perfect, but we're

working on it and you can do that too.

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And one of the things I

love that you talk to.

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About the gym is it's

not just for your body.

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That's a lot of people.

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I go to the gym and I see people wearing

headphones, , not talking to anybody else.

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And I see people like you who are,

, high fiving talking, motivating, and

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that's who you want to hang out with.

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:

? You want to find other

people who can boost you up.

351

:

Motivate you, help you out.

352

:

You can ask a question, you can share a

story and it's not just for your body.

353

:

So I always say you work out

your body to help your mind.

354

:

You work out , your mind.

355

:

You think about how are you thinking?

356

:

Am I thinking correctly?

357

:

And if the answer is yes, . That

helps you with your body because your

358

:

mind is helping you make decisions.

359

:

So the decision to go to the gym

every day is not necessarily an

360

:

easy one because it hurts sometimes.

361

:

. And at some days are

different than others.

362

:

Some days I know for myself, , I don't

want to go for a run and I'm a big runner.

363

:

I run marathons, but there's days where I.

364

:

, even if it's a three mile run, I'm

like, ah, I don't want to do that.

365

:

But I forced myself to, because

I know the benefits of it.

366

:

It's not just about working out , my body.

367

:

It's about helping.

368

:

Me at home helping me make better

decisions helping me feel better about

369

:

who I am and you see that's the thing.

370

:

That's the thing.

371

:

I don't mean to cut you off make

me feel better about who I am.

372

:

We're great fucking people We're great

fucking people and the thing is somewhat

373

:

even though we want to do these things

We're fucking cool as we are man.

374

:

We're good as we are But the fact

that we want to better ourselves is a

375

:

statement to the character that we have.

376

:

The driving force

to, , just better ourselves.

377

:

And that in turn, hell,

you better everybody else.

378

:

Shit.

379

:

I think that's a great message though,

because , I've struggled for a long time

380

:

with the idea that you're not enough.

381

:

Oh shit, you are.

382

:

And if anyone's listening that's

had that same struggle, or maybe

383

:

currently has that struggle, a lot.

384

:

Like Boyd said, you are enough.

385

:

You're enough.

386

:

Just being the idea, the miracle is you.

387

:

Oh yeah.

388

:

The fact that you're here

on the earth is a miracle.

389

:

It really is.

390

:

There's an infographic.

391

:

I posted it on LinkedIn a while ago.

392

:

The chances of you being here are

like one in some crazy giant number.

393

:

So the fact that you are here, right?

394

:

So, take advantage of that.

395

:

And if you're struggling, get some

help, because that's the other thing

396

:

I struggled with for a while was

the idea of asking for outside help.

397

:

It's very much told, , for men,

especially when we're younger,

398

:

that asking for help is weak.

399

:

And that couldn't be

further from the truth.

400

:

If you need help , the

strength is in the asking.

401

:

The strength is in admitting to

yourself and to others, Hey, I'm

402

:

struggling over here with this thing

or these things, and I need some help.

403

:

What do you know about it?

404

:

There's no shame in that.

405

:

And , I think about my dad because

my dad struggled for 25 plus

406

:

years, , probably longer , with

alcohol addiction he was very much.

407

:

Reserved , in his communication practice.

408

:

And so having a real conversation

with my father , was very challenging.

409

:

And I love my dad too.

410

:

Kind of the same.

411

:

My dad just, well, I can, you can

talk to him and be like, trying to

412

:

put emotion into what you're saying.

413

:

And, you know, just be real, like,

Hey, be my dad asshole for a minute.

414

:

You know what I'm saying?

415

:

But he'll always change the

subject, , you can't, you can't.

416

:

Kind of the same with me, man.

417

:

Yeah.

418

:

And there's just not

emotionally connected.

419

:

I mean, my dad would kiss me hello when

I saw him and I was like, honestly, like

420

:

wonderful because I don't think , a

lot of dads don't show that affection,

421

:

, which I was always grateful for that.

422

:

But he struggled a lot and.

423

:

, I think it's just a matter of , , how

do you , take what your own parents

424

:

showed you, the good and the bad, and

then just use that as the fuel , to

425

:

be the best father and husband you can

be, , and understand that you are going

426

:

to make mistakes, and that's okay.

427

:

I had a lot of shame and guilt around

mistakes because I grew up Catholic, so we

428

:

were shamed every time we made a mistake.

429

:

And we were, like you said, , I was

a new person, ? I was a little kid.

430

:

But , if you sin, , you got to

immediately get forgiven for that

431

:

and not make that mistake again.

432

:

But kids make mistakes

because they're kids.

433

:

I held on to a lot of that.

434

:

Right.

435

:

And that's the point.

436

:

It doesn't even matter

if you're a kid anymore.

437

:

If you're an adult, you make mistakes too.

438

:

So owning that, having that awareness.

439

:

And then accountability, which

I know a lot of us struggle

440

:

with, and I still work on it.

441

:

I'm not perfect.

442

:

I'm not sitting here saying,

Hey, , I've got it all together.

443

:

I don't, but I'm working on it

and I've worked on it a lot.

444

:

And I think without working on it,

, that's where that asking for help comes in

445

:

because maybe you don't know what to do.

446

:

Maybe you don't know where to start.

447

:

So you can start by

listening to this podcast.

448

:

You can start by reading books, but you

can also start by forming that community

449

:

of men that you can lean on in those

times and say, , , Hey brother, . Have

450

:

you ever gone through this issue before?

451

:

I'm struggling with this.

452

:

Can I ask you for help?

453

:

There's communities on Facebook.

454

:

There's communities Everywhere.

455

:

Everywhere.

456

:

So it's just a matter of taking

that step to be vulnerable

457

:

enough to admit you need help.

458

:

And then sign up for the gym.

459

:

Sign up for the Facebook group.

460

:

Ask those questions.

461

:

And some of that social media stuff.

462

:

, is a little bit of garbage.

463

:

There's , definitely some people out

there that aren't there for the right

464

:

reasons, but you find your community

by, , , keep putting yourself out there.

465

:

There are good people, good men

out there that want to help.

466

:

I know you're one of them, Boyd.

467

:

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

468

:

Hit me up.

469

:

Anybody can hit me up.

470

:

You know what I'm saying?

471

:

Like I'm here just.

472

:

You know, to help you, like

I'm doing what I can for myself.

473

:

So , I'm able to be able

to help spread it out.

474

:

So I'm, , Hey, if you need time,

if you need help, you need an ear.

475

:

If you just need, , to blow some steam

off, man, Hey, hit me up, , go out,

476

:

don't be afraid to be approachable.

477

:

approach people.

478

:

You get, go to the park.

479

:

You don't even have to go to the gym,

, go to the park, but find somebody, walk

480

:

over and be like, hey, how are you doing?

481

:

You know what I'm saying?

482

:

See how things go.

483

:

, try to find little groups like Fred's

saying, man, just in your area to just,

484

:

, help you, help them, help each other.

485

:

Everybody just boost each other

up, man, because honestly, it's

486

:

individual effort at this point, , just

to stay on the earth sometimes.

487

:

So man's got to.

488

:

Definitely have a good support group.

489

:

You're correct.

490

:

Let's switch gears just a little bit.

491

:

Talk about , your own fatherhood journey.

492

:

You got three girls.

493

:

, what are the ages?

494

:

14, 10 and nine and yeah, man.

495

:

It's a struggle at times for me, I

won't lie, because being a military

496

:

man, it's I want things done, , and

I want it done kind of speedy,

497

:

certain ways and I realized with

girls, , you ain't getting any of that.

498

:

You ain't getting none of that.

499

:

So I've had to, I've had to develop a lot

of patience a lot of leeway for mistakes

500

:

to happen, shit to get left behind.

501

:

You know, I, I don't know, man,

, it's been the best thing to ever

502

:

happen to me in my entire life.

503

:

, it has changed me for the better.

504

:

, in so many ways, , I can't even

describe, man, but it's what I live for.

505

:

I live to see that smile on

them kids faces at all times.

506

:

And is it gonna happen?

507

:

Hell no, man, because like I

said, we ain't perfect, man.

508

:

When you're trying to manage multiple

personalities, Especially your own

509

:

when you have a mental issues as well.

510

:

It's, it gets a little difficult

sometimes, but , we don't want

511

:

to get, , down on ourselves too

much, but my journey this far has

512

:

caused me to do a lot of growing.

513

:

A lot of understanding a lot of

time needed with each individual

514

:

kid, , to build that personal bond and

relationship and , it's an ongoing

515

:

process, but it's not been easy, but it's

definitely, definitely been enjoyable.

516

:

I can promise you that.

517

:

I just did some quick math in my head

and in four years, you're going to

518

:

have three teenagers in your house.

519

:

So I'm going to, check back with you

in four years, see how you're doing.

520

:

The Portugal for a little while.

521

:

So I'll need a bigger boat anyway.

522

:

There you go, Eric.

523

:

I know , you've got a daughter.

524

:

You must have a question for Boyd.

525

:

Yeah.

526

:

I got two things I want to ask you.

527

:

First is, the one is like the,

Oh my God, I'm always waiting.

528

:

I'm constantly waiting

because she's an issue.

529

:

She's my daughter, never hurries.

530

:

And that just resonated a lot with me.

531

:

Oh my God.

532

:

It's just, it's never right now.

533

:

I find myself constantly

going, come on, please.

534

:

Can we just do this?

535

:

Brush your teeth within

30 minutes, please.

536

:

Yes.

537

:

But the thing you said that

really resonated is You're talking

538

:

about your relationship with

your father based on partying.

539

:

In the past couple days, I've been

thinking a lot about the metrics that

540

:

I have, the subconscious metrics of,

am I doing a good job as a father?

541

:

And number one, I always say my

daughter's never seen me drunk.

542

:

I've never screamed at her in her face.

543

:

I hug her every day.

544

:

And I tell her she's awesome every day.

545

:

And , those are my major metrics.

546

:

And I was thinking about

that the past couple of days.

547

:

Why are those my metrics?

548

:

What happened in my childhood that

now that those are so important

549

:

that I give to my daughter?

550

:

And so , as you were talking,

that really resonated with me.

551

:

I was just curious, what are

some of your metrics as how am

552

:

I doing right now as a father?

553

:

Well pretty much some of the same things

that you, , you're have listed out

554

:

there, man, but I honestly, I'll be real.

555

:

So, I, I fail.

556

:

Man, as a father, all the time, and I

find myself trying to make it up the

557

:

next day, or the next day, or the next

day, and I don't always hit the target,

558

:

man, but , my key points is to just

let them know, man, like they're, they

559

:

are enough, that they're beautiful.

560

:

They're talented.

561

:

Remind them of just, , how much

daddy loves them, , for one, that

562

:

they are definitely loved, , so

don't ever feel like they ain't man,

563

:

but just make sure I spend time.

564

:

daily with each one to see how

they're feeling, trying to try to

565

:

ask them about their emotions, help

them work through their emotions.

566

:

Because, , as a little kid,

things come out and you're like,

567

:

well, why are you doing this?

568

:

Why did, you know what I mean?

569

:

Like, it could be a tick.

570

:

It could be a little nervous tick that

maybe they don't want to go on this trip.

571

:

So they're acting out, or maybe

they don't want to go to bed.

572

:

So they're starting to stiffen up.

573

:

It's about me trying to I understand

my kids the best I can every day.

574

:

So it's just like a kind of

that kind of cycle for me, man.

575

:

It's just to be better every day.

576

:

And as they grow, my, my goals for them,

my daily routines for them will change,

577

:

, but as of now, man, just, just to let

them know that, Hey, they're loved.

578

:

, , remind them of just how precious that they

are and how lucky that daddy is to have

579

:

them with me and not somebody else, , like

I'm the lucky one here, , not you guys,

580

:

yeah, that's awesome.

581

:

I feel like I don't make sense, man.

582

:

But.

583

:

I do my best, dude.

584

:

You know, what are you going

to do with PTSD and TBI?

585

:

Sometimes it jacks you up, man.

586

:

No, you make perfect sense.

587

:

I think that's really, , that's all

we can do is do the best we can.

588

:

Sometimes when my wife and I

are fighting, I just say, look,

589

:

I know you're doing your best.

590

:

I know I'm doing my best.

591

:

So let's just meet in the middle somewhere

here and just do our best together.

592

:

And that usually calms her

down for a few minutes.

593

:

You'll see, go ahead, go

ahead for a few minutes until

594

:

you remember something else.

595

:

. So I love that.

596

:

First of all, Eric, I love that you

have like a metrics idea about how

597

:

you evaluate, , how you're doing,

because I think that's important to have.

598

:

, it doesn't have to be that exact system.

599

:

Certainly use something

that works for you.

600

:

My thing that I do is I'll journal at the

end of the day , and ask myself, Okay.

601

:

Am I proud of the man

I showed up as today?

602

:

Simple question, yes or no.

603

:

And if the answer is no, which it

is sometimes to your point, Boyd,

604

:

we don't always hit the target.

605

:

, what can I do better tomorrow?

606

:

, and , having the grace in that

moment to say, , you're human,

607

:

you make mistakes and that's okay.

608

:

You're doing your best.

609

:

Or maybe you didn't

do your best that day.

610

:

Maybe that wasn't your best.

611

:

That's okay too.

612

:

But, , finding out why that

was, , was there extra stress?

613

:

Was there something that set you

off, something that bothered you?

614

:

And trying to eliminate those things, but

just trying to show up the next day so

615

:

that when you lay your head down at night.

616

:

Am I proud of the man I was today?

617

:

Am I proud of the father I was today?

618

:

The husband I was today and having more

yeses than nos throughout the year.

619

:

I've laid my head down many a nights

brother, , crying because, , I made

620

:

them cry that day, , and , it's

all right gents , to cry, like

621

:

when you hurt somebody, you love.

622

:

It's okay to show your emotion because

you showing your emotion allows them to

623

:

know, hey, it's okay to show my emotion.

624

:

Plus it's, it's not

good to hold it in, man.

625

:

It's good to find a release.

626

:

, and get that frustration and

disappointment, , behind you and just try

627

:

like you said, Fred, just to do better

the next day and all this and that, man.

628

:

I kick my ass sometimes, dude,

I do, because our kids emotions

629

:

and who they are feed off of us.

630

:

If we keep them riddled, , with

anxiety because you're fighting

631

:

or you're screaming or you're

yelling all the time, your kid's

632

:

gonna grow up to be fucked up, man.

633

:

Need, need to be medicated.

634

:

, my kids, I put them in therapy because

like you you said, , when you and your

635

:

wife fight, , , it's a marriage thing.

636

:

We're going to fight.

637

:

We're going to fight.

638

:

We're not always going to see eye

to eye, , but , trying to do it in

639

:

private is a lot harder at times

than, , it should be because little

640

:

ears are always wanting to know, hey,

why did they go there and do this?

641

:

You know Why is the door shut?

642

:

Why do I hear them yelling?

643

:

They're little investigators,

little Carmen Sandiego.

644

:

Yeah.

645

:

But you just I don't know, man.

646

:

, , they're just a little special people, man.

647

:

I don't know.

648

:

I kind of lost track of

where the hell I was even at.

649

:

That's okay.

650

:

I think it's helpful

651

:

I love that call out for , men to cry

because again, another thing that men

652

:

are told when they're young is to man up.

653

:

Be tough.

654

:

And you're a former military, by

the way, thank you for your service.

655

:

But, , you typically think of a

military man or a guy that goes

656

:

to the gym every day as this big,

strong, tough guy that never cries,

657

:

?

But , this point here is not that crying doesn't make you weak.

658

:

It does not mean that there's

something wrong with you.

659

:

Crying is a natural human emotion,

a human response to a feeling.

660

:

And.

661

:

It's perfectly okay to let that out.

662

:

Like you said, and , not keep that inside.

663

:

You keep that inside for too long.

664

:

And that's gonna feel a lot heavier than

the moment that you're crying today.

665

:

It's going to feel way heavier.

666

:

Might make it come out again, , something

else later because you're just

667

:

holding that frustration in, brother.

668

:

Get it out.

669

:

Get rid of it, man.

670

:

That way you can kind of try and

start fresh as you can, , just.

671

:

Find an outlet, positive outlet, don't

drink and go doing drugs and shit, man,

672

:

because , that don't lead to nothing.

673

:

That don't lead to nothing.

674

:

You need a friend, call

a friend, , go play golf.

675

:

, go shoot pool, go do something.

676

:

But, , get it out of there.

677

:

That way you ain't carrying it, man.

678

:

, and hurting 'em again.

679

:

And then again, and then again.

680

:

It's a, it's a downhill process.

681

:

I've been there.

682

:

Mm-Hmm.

683

:

same.

684

:

Same.

685

:

And I've dealt with my own

struggles with alcohol in the past.

686

:

I think a lot of the reason I

decided to drink was because

687

:

of my own father's habit.

688

:

Which made it seem very much normal to me.

689

:

And then also the lack of community

that I was talking about earlier.

690

:

For me, it was an

easy, , low hanging fruit.

691

:

, oh, other men are going to be at the bar.

692

:

, and my friends at the time.

693

:

, they're going to come with me to the bar.

694

:

And so, well, that's where we're

going to go and we're going to drink.

695

:

But that can easily spiral out of control

and become a habit that you Consistently

696

:

do all the time, every day too much.

697

:

, it's not productive and

there's no judgment here.

698

:

, Boyd struggled himself.

699

:

I struggled myself.

700

:

,, I don't know where you're at

today, Eric, with drinking, but

701

:

I know, , you and I probably got

into it in the past a little bit.

702

:

But , what I've found to be

powerful for me today is asking

703

:

myself Is this essential?

704

:

That one question, really, you have to

answer it honestly, but is this essential?

705

:

And for me, alcohol is never essential.

706

:

It's an escape from reality.

707

:

So, I don't remember the last time

I had a drink and when I go out now.

708

:

I actually choose most often to get a non

alcoholic beer, because I do like beer.

709

:

So that's what I do.

710

:

But if that's something you're

struggling with, certainly, Relatable,

711

:

common, a lot of people struggle,

but I would encourage you to think

712

:

about, , why you're really doing it.

713

:

And if there's no positive

reason, it's not really helpful.

714

:

And we know it's bad for , your

body, but it's also bad for your mind.

715

:

So eliminating the bad habits from Your

life will open up new doors, , once

716

:

the door closes, another one opens

and if you can replace the negative

717

:

with a positive habit, , that's

really where the power comes in.

718

:

So, for example, instead of going

out to the bar every night, what

719

:

if you went to the gym every night?

720

:

What would that do for your life?

721

:

If you replace going out to the

bar five nights a week with going

722

:

to the gym five nights a week.

723

:

And this is just an example, I know James

Clear in his book Atomic Habits talks

724

:

about, , , you don't just eliminate a bad

habit, you replace it with a good one.

725

:

It's a lot harder for people

to go better themselves than

726

:

it is to destroy themselves.

727

:

And you said something there a second ago.

728

:

This is how it should be, man, as

an adult, as a man with children.

729

:

If you don't have people that bring

value and positivity into your life,

730

:

Shed that skin because you're building

a community for your children.

731

:

If you can't have these people around your

children, why are you messing with them?

732

:

If they don't bring positivity

to you every single day, why

733

:

the hell are they in your life?

734

:

I'm not saying that you don't

have to be acquaintance and

735

:

that , you're to be mean to them.

736

:

No, be good to people, but if

they don't bring any value and

737

:

shit to your life, let them slide

and focus on you and your family.

738

:

Bringing that community together

of the people that bring value and

739

:

protection and love and loyalty and

honesty and all that to the table.

740

:

If they don't have that, you

don't even need to fuck with them.

741

:

Honestly, that's just , the

way I see it having children.

742

:

If you can't have them around your

kids, they shouldn't be in your circle.

743

:

That's the way I see it.

744

:

And I mean, I, I know not everybody's

going to see it like that, but I just

745

:

see if they don't bring positivity

and love and all that shit to

746

:

the table, man, the same way that

you're trying to give it to them.

747

:

Don't waste your energy.

748

:

Put that energy into the ones who's giving

you the same shit that you're giving them.

749

:

It's a 50 50 split and both parties

give a hundred percent, man.

750

:

The love is there.

751

:

The trust is there.

752

:

You don't even have to

look over your back.

753

:

If they don't bring it to the table,

boys move on because you're just you're

754

:

wasting time and hurting yourself, man.

755

:

Honestly., 1 of the things that I talked

to my clients about is this framework

756

:

of a monthly audit and it's this idea

that every month you check in with

757

:

yourself and you say, what do I delete?

758

:

What do I keep and what do I need more of?

759

:

And if you can answer those questions,

honestly, sometimes those things

760

:

that you have to delete , are people.

761

:

And, that's scary to a lot of us because

we feel like , we're being mean when

762

:

we decide to, Detached from that

relationship in our life, but if it

763

:

isn't serving your life, if it isn't

providing value to your life in some

764

:

way, then there is no shame , or reason

, to not delete that from your life.

765

:

And you don't have to be mean about

it, ? You can figure out a way to kind

766

:

of land that plane in a way that's not.

767

:

unkind Yeah, yeah, you don't

want to hurt these people,

768

:

that's not what I mean at all.

769

:

, it might sound like I mean it

like that, but I promise you, I

770

:

don't mean it that way at all,

771

:

.

But you have to put yourself first and your family first, . And if there's

772

:

any reason that you should ever

have to worry about anything, don't.

773

:

Just don't.

774

:

Just eliminate problems before they begin.

775

:

And it's, , we don't have to be mean, but

it is like an anchor that holds you back,

776

:

?

So , you do have to shed, man, and delete people sometimes, and unfortunately

777

:

they do get upset, but if they get

mad and, , throw a fit or whatnot,

778

:

man, then they wasn't really your

friend in the first place because,

779

:

but if they're not understanding

that your family, your children come

780

:

first, bro, what the hell was you

even doing here in the first place?

781

:

One of the things you mentioned

is you're always cracking jokes.

782

:

What people don't always know about you

is that you're actually really serious.

783

:

Now, maybe that's not what people

have gotten from this episode

784

:

because I know we've been talking

about some serious things.

785

:

But, I know for myself, one of

the things I struggled with was

786

:

kind of hiding certain parts of

myself for fear of not fitting in.

787

:

As I was growing up and becoming a

man, becoming an adult, and even , as

788

:

recently as five years ago, and I still,

struggle with it to a degree, but I've

789

:

definitely gotten better at not worrying

as much about , this idea of fitting in.

790

:

But I know when I was younger, for sure,

I would hide parts of myself because

791

:

, it wasn't accepted to talk about.

792

:

Emotions with men.

793

:

It wasn't accepted to cry.

794

:

It wasn't accepted to be vulnerable

with other men or even this idea of

795

:

building a positive community with men.

796

:

Most of the men that I built my community

with in the past were talking about it.

797

:

, women in derogatory ways, sports,

it's very surface level conversations

798

:

and , you don't get anywhere.

799

:

There's no growth in the

comfortable, ? So we grow through

800

:

the uncomfortable conversations.

801

:

We grow through these, what seems like

an uncomfortable thing to do, say, To

802

:

share something vulnerable , about

yourself that you're struggling with.

803

:

That's where the true growth

and progress comes from,

804

:

.

And one thing I'd like to point out is when we think about

805

:

progress, progress isn't linear.

806

:

So for example, you don't

just start improving and then

807

:

it's just a, a straight line up.

808

:

, there's falls, there's failures.

809

:

, There's lots of them and

you pick yourself back up.

810

:

The only true failure is when you give up.

811

:

Absolutely.

812

:

So, it's a constant progress, constant

daily check ins, monthly check ins,

813

:

always kind of checking yourself.

814

:

And it's not hard, , I don't want people

to think this is hard because I want

815

:

people to realize this is possible.

816

:

It isn't easy, but it

also, to me, it's not hard.

817

:

You just have to make the choice , to

really dive deep into , the idea

818

:

that it is okay to ask yourself some

really deep, meaningful questions

819

:

and then answer them honestly.

820

:

And I think a lot of people struggle

with that realization that they're not

821

:

perfect, that , they're supposed to

be, they expected to be here by this

822

:

point in time and they're only here.

823

:

So now they're a failure.

824

:

That's not true.

825

:

That's not true at all.

826

:

Your expectations , are your limitations.

827

:

So just set some reasonable

goals for yourself and take your

828

:

time along , that progress line.

829

:

That's not linear.

830

:

And you'll definitely see results.

831

:

You said one of the things

you're interested in is

832

:

getting your wife's business.

833

:

Going helping her in her business.

834

:

Can you talk a little bit

about what she's up to?

835

:

Well, she just actually got off

of a call about five minutes

836

:

before I tried to sign in here.

837

:

I haven't even got a chance to talk to

her about it yet, but she has got her

838

:

first client, which we're pretty stoked

about, , and she's put a lot of hard

839

:

work into it, man, it's taken months

and months, man, , to do what she's

840

:

done , and sacrifice hardcore it's like,

I get aggravated with her sometimes,

841

:

I'm like, Are you gonna watch this?

842

:

She's like, no, I'm going to do this.

843

:

I'm going to do this.

844

:

I'm like, well, shit, man.

845

:

You know, but , as soon as I see

what she had going on and the people

846

:

that she has working for her as

a team, man, , it's great, dude.

847

:

I'm so proud of her, man.

848

:

She, she continues to amaze me.

849

:

She's published two books,

author of two books.

850

:

She started multiple businesses,

. It's, trust me man, it, it can

851

:

be frustrating for her, I know.

852

:

She's like, I just don't know how to

get them to, , to take my advice here.

853

:

I don't know how to

keep them positive here.

854

:

And , you're not always going to win.

855

:

We're not always going to win.

856

:

But the win for us is Is the effort

that we put in, because like you

857

:

said we put we limit ourselves We

are our own limitation and fuck that.

858

:

, ain't no limits to us.

859

:

, we're we're fathers, dude We

we've got to do things that

860

:

our kids expect us to do that.

861

:

We can't do but damn it We gotta find a

way, so Just finding two or three people,

862

:

just two or three people to set small

goals and hold each other accountable.

863

:

will give you just a little system,

, to make yourself not want to slack.

864

:

Stay true to these people.

865

:

Keep your word to each other, man.

866

:

And if you guys hold yourself in

check, you guys will be able to talk,

867

:

man, bounce things back and forth.

868

:

, why is she doing this?

869

:

Why is he acting this way?

870

:

Have you had trouble doing it?

871

:

Just , be positive for each other.

872

:

Be able, like I said, to be,

approachable and be willing to listen,

873

:

be willing to listen and care.

874

:

Because anybody can listen, but the

care that goes into it, make sure that's

875

:

there, , because people who are coming

to you are vulnerable, and they need to

876

:

know, hey, you do care, because, it's not

easy for everybody to come to somebody,

877

:

and if this person comes to you, be

willing to just be there for it, man,

878

:

so it's not easy, but we can do And

I think in relationships, if you're

879

:

married or if , you've got a long time

girlfriend, boyfriend, , listening is

880

:

more important than speaking, but yet

we still struggle with communication.

881

:

All the statistics that are out

there, , almost 70 percent of couples

882

:

split up , the number one reason.

883

:

Is communication even businesses, they

struggle with their communication.

884

:

And so that communication

practice, it is a practice.

885

:

It's something that you need to practice.

886

:

You need to work on.

887

:

So if you're struggling in

communication, it's , very common, but

888

:

that doesn't mean that you're a bad

communicator and you'll always be bad.

889

:

It does if you're not willing

to improve and work on that.

890

:

And so when we think about , showing

up with care and Eric, you

891

:

pointed out earlier, I love that.

892

:

What you said when you and your wife

have a fight, basically putting

893

:

a pause for a second and saying,

Hey, I know I'm trying to do my best

894

:

and you're trying to do your best.

895

:

? , so we're a team trying to solve a

problem versus it's me versus you and

896

:

the idea that one of you is right.

897

:

And one of you is wrong.

898

:

, that's often the tendency we have

when we're arguing with people,

899

:

especially the ones we love the most.

900

:

It's like trying to prove a point.

901

:

Right.

902

:

Say that again Eric.

903

:

One of us is always wrong.

904

:

Dude, I swear I was thinking the same

thing, I was like, It's definitely

905

:

him, he's the one that's always wrong.

906

:

Hey, it's the same way here bud.

907

:

I think it's important, to have

that, skill , to say, you know

908

:

what, I want to hear the perspective.

909

:

I think it's the Gottman Institute.

910

:

John Gottman has been a

relationship, , he's an author.

911

:

He's been working with people

in relationships , for decades.

912

:

And one of the things , he pointed out

was that 65 plus percent of, Disagreements

913

:

in relationships don't actually ever come

to, there's no resolution to that because

914

:

there's two different perspectives and

two different opinions about the thing.

915

:

So rather than always looking for this one

perfect solution, it's more about , what

916

:

can you work out that works well for both?

917

:

Parties and it's almost never

about who's right or who's wrong.

918

:

It's more about , we got this

problem together and we are

919

:

looking at it differently.

920

:

You have one opinion about it.

921

:

I have a different opinion, but where

can we meet in the middle to where.

922

:

We can both live with this, or

maybe not, or if this, or if this

923

:

never changes because I'm just not

willing, , maybe there's something

924

:

you're not willing , to change.

925

:

Okay, well, how can we work that out?

926

:

? I'm, I, I can see myself a man.

927

:

All right.

928

:

You know what I mean?

929

:

Like a man, , but I don't give a fuck.

930

:

I married that woman in there.

931

:

She's the mother of my children.

932

:

I will change anything and

everything for her and them because

933

:

I don't give a shit about me.

934

:

The only reason I care about me

is for them, , and I love myself.

935

:

Don't get me wrong.

936

:

I love myself and I love bringing

positivity and joy to everyone I meet.

937

:

But when I say I don't care about myself,

, that don't mean I don't care about myself.

938

:

It just means like they are me,

939

:

so if they're happy, I'm happy.

940

:

I'm just a vessel.

941

:

They're everything to me.

942

:

My emotion, my heart

and soul, , that's it.

943

:

I'm willing to give up anything

and everything for them.

944

:

That's the love I have for him, man.

945

:

And

946

:

that's deep, dude.

947

:

I've never, I've never

known love until I had kids.

948

:

I thought I knew what it was.

949

:

But damn it, man, how my heart felt,

when my first was born, dude, it was

950

:

like I was a new man, I was somebody

I'd never been before, you know, a

951

:

dad, , another level of responsibilities

that I never was ready for,

952

:

I never knew about until

those feelings hit, man.

953

:

But it's the best thing ever, man.

954

:

And I would give up anything for them.

955

:

One of my coaches has a saying

the best self development

956

:

program you can have, have kids.

957

:

So Eric, I've got one more question.

958

:

I was curious if you've

got one before that.

959

:

I had a conversation

with the wife a week ago.

960

:

You know, there's little things around

the house that I just don't think

961

:

about, like changing the towel to

dry your hands in the bathroom.

962

:

I just never think about it.

963

:

And she gets frustrated with me.

964

:

Like, how come I always have to do this?

965

:

And I had to say to her, look, how

much of a deal breaker is this?

966

:

Can I pick up slack somewhere else?

967

:

Because my brain just doesn't

want to focus on that.

968

:

Can you handle that?

969

:

And I handle something else, or do

I really need to dedicate time to

970

:

this thing to get my head around it?

971

:

We're still working on

what if I need to do.

972

:

Dedicate time to that or

not, but it's just funny.

973

:

It's just like the little things

we got to change sometimes in

974

:

order to make someone happy.

975

:

And then you got to sometimes

like, , how important is this to you?

976

:

And do I really got to

change the hand towel?

977

:

Can you do that?

978

:

And I just pick up the

light bill or something.

979

:

Negotiate the hand towel thing.

980

:

I love your approach to

that though, brother.

981

:

It's awesome.

982

:

It's like, , can we negotiate,

, because , not a lot of people

983

:

can even comprehend to say that,

984

:

that much to start that communication.

985

:

And that's where it gets

rough for some people.

986

:

And I, I'm one of those, sometimes

I'm all, just blank headed, man.

987

:

And instead of doing what you did,

I'll, I'll get pissed off or something.

988

:

I'm like, well, all right, damn it.

989

:

You know sometimes instead of thinking.

990

:

Taking me 12 years to ask.

991

:

Yeah.

992

:

But it's, I mean, it's,

it's all right, man.

993

:

, I've really enjoyed this.

994

:

This is good for people to see.

995

:

This is good for men to see, like,

shit, hell, just talk to people.

996

:

It's good to get shit off your

chest, figure out what's going on

997

:

in other people's lives, man, to

maybe you take something from

998

:

that, I try to meet everybody.

999

:

I meet somebody I met the other day.

:

00:52:11,812 --> 00:52:15,462

He told me he was like, man, you're

just one of those people that when you

:

00:52:15,462 --> 00:52:22,487

meet, you're not going to forget whether

it's, in a bad way, which is very rare.

:

00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:27,377

He's like, but you, you

definitely leave a mark, man.

:

00:52:27,397 --> 00:52:33,127

And you leave some sort of value when

you come because I'll be real, man.

:

00:52:33,767 --> 00:52:34,467

I smoke pot.

:

00:52:34,497 --> 00:52:36,477

I have to, I don't, I'm not a pill taker.

:

00:52:36,717 --> 00:52:37,517

I don't, and I won't.

:

00:52:38,077 --> 00:52:41,157

I just, the VA wants me to take a

bunch of stuff and I won't do it,

:

00:52:41,727 --> 00:52:46,797

but I, I do that in the evening.

:

00:52:47,607 --> 00:52:49,397

I don't ever bring that around the kids.

:

00:52:49,467 --> 00:52:54,187

You don't want to start letting kids

see things or anything like that.

:

00:52:54,187 --> 00:52:57,947

You want to keep grown

ass shit grown, okay?

:

00:52:58,437 --> 00:53:01,517

And that's how I deal sometimes.

:

00:53:01,877 --> 00:53:08,997

with my demons and the frustration

and the sleep because I don't sleep.

:

00:53:09,377 --> 00:53:10,347

I don't sleep, man.

:

00:53:10,907 --> 00:53:14,687

We just, we, we've got to find good

coping mechanisms though , to help.

:

00:53:16,262 --> 00:53:17,772

Not get so damn angry.

:

00:53:18,232 --> 00:53:22,222

But I admire you, man, on how you

do that, because I don't have it.

:

00:53:22,812 --> 00:53:28,142

I don't have it in me sometimes

to just stop and think real quick.

:

00:53:28,322 --> 00:53:30,392

Even though I can think

on a dime, all the time.

:

00:53:31,112 --> 00:53:32,182

Sometimes I slack.

:

00:53:32,432 --> 00:53:34,162

And that's what causes

a bunch of shit for me.

:

00:53:34,952 --> 00:53:40,882

Is because I don't I don't try to

say, Hey, can I do this for you?

:

00:53:40,882 --> 00:53:42,212

And then you just do this.

:

00:53:42,542 --> 00:53:46,922

I get mad instead of trying to

resolve the shit and I get pissed

:

00:53:46,922 --> 00:53:50,592

off, but I completely went somewhere.

:

00:53:51,012 --> 00:53:55,422

I don't, I got lost, honestly,

in conversation because my mind.

:

00:53:55,827 --> 00:53:57,567

It just, it never stops, man.

:

00:53:57,567 --> 00:54:02,747

There's so much that goes on constantly

that I'm just, I could talk for

:

00:54:02,767 --> 00:54:04,837

days, just talk for days, man.

:

00:54:04,947 --> 00:54:08,897

I was the guy who could, it

just, it never stops, bud.

:

00:54:08,977 --> 00:54:10,297

So you guys.

:

00:54:10,962 --> 00:54:15,812

You know that I'm a certified fair play

method facilitator, so this topic of

:

00:54:15,842 --> 00:54:20,182

the hand towel, we could talk for a

while about this, but we got to wrap up.

:

00:54:20,402 --> 00:54:23,262

So we'll leave that for a

different episode maybe.

:

00:54:23,262 --> 00:54:27,952

But the last question I have that I

always, I ask every guest is for the

:

00:54:27,952 --> 00:54:31,622

men that are struggling, for the men

that are feeling interrupted, for

:

00:54:31,622 --> 00:54:35,962

the men that have their own demons,

their own struggles, which are maybe

:

00:54:35,962 --> 00:54:38,112

similar or different than ours.

:

00:54:38,192 --> 00:54:41,592

If you had to give like one piece , of

your best advice or a couple pieces

:

00:54:41,602 --> 00:54:45,172

of your best advice, , what would

you say to that man, that dad?

:

00:54:51,092 --> 00:54:58,182

For one, each household will be

a different situation, but if

:

00:54:58,272 --> 00:55:00,042

you find yourself struggling,

:

00:55:00,042 --> 00:55:01,972

just take time for yourself.

:

00:55:03,192 --> 00:55:10,352

Okay, go somewhere, do something

to just, it's just you alone.

:

00:55:10,882 --> 00:55:15,692

That way , you can focus and just dig

deep, man, and try and figure out a

:

00:55:16,212 --> 00:55:19,172

positive resolution to your issue.

:

00:55:19,462 --> 00:55:20,982

Now, are we always going to find that?

:

00:55:20,992 --> 00:55:24,512

Absolutely not, man, because hell,

some things are just meant to cause

:

00:55:24,512 --> 00:55:26,202

us ruckus and make us go bald.

:

00:55:26,302 --> 00:55:34,092

But if you're finding yourself struggling,

go and just try and reset yourself.

:

00:55:34,967 --> 00:55:36,747

Go surround yourself with positivity.

:

00:55:36,767 --> 00:55:38,737

Go to a lake.

:

00:55:38,817 --> 00:55:39,807

Go to the river.

:

00:55:40,117 --> 00:55:41,727

Listen to the river, man.

:

00:55:41,737 --> 00:55:46,027

Just try and put yourself in a very,

the most positive place that you can

:

00:55:46,027 --> 00:55:53,577

be and try and reset because that's how

I find the only way sometimes to come

:

00:55:53,577 --> 00:55:58,567

back from a big hole that I'm in, is

just go and try and find a calm place.

:

00:55:59,067 --> 00:56:00,607

Or maybe you don't want that.

:

00:56:00,897 --> 00:56:01,717

Find a friend.

:

00:56:02,757 --> 00:56:07,237

Find somebody who will listen to you, who

will let you cry, , who will have some

:

00:56:07,237 --> 00:56:11,577

good advice for you, maybe somebody who's

been through the same thing that you're

:

00:56:11,577 --> 00:56:15,917

going through, but don't be scared to

test the waters, always reach out, man.

:

00:56:15,967 --> 00:56:20,117

, and don't let that eat you up

because I've seen it lead to too

:

00:56:20,117 --> 00:56:24,907

many, kids growing up alone because

people were just , too afraid

:

00:56:25,377 --> 00:56:27,007

to admit, Hey, I need some help.

:

00:56:27,347 --> 00:56:29,217

You know, you're not weak, man.

:

00:56:29,697 --> 00:56:30,997

You're good enough as you are.

:

00:56:31,397 --> 00:56:32,927

But do we need help sometimes?

:

00:56:33,007 --> 00:56:34,697

Staying motivated, staying built up?

:

00:56:34,937 --> 00:56:35,907

Absolutely, man.

:

00:56:36,427 --> 00:56:38,247

And we need to be able to

be there for one another.

:

00:56:38,777 --> 00:56:42,047

So if you're struggling, and if

you're not struggling, and you know

:

00:56:42,047 --> 00:56:45,157

somebody who is, man, reach out.

:

00:56:46,187 --> 00:56:47,467

Give that brother a hand, man.

:

00:56:47,527 --> 00:56:49,417

Be like, hey, bub, I'm here for you.

:

00:56:49,417 --> 00:56:49,912

What's up?

:

00:56:50,372 --> 00:56:52,962

Don't be afraid to help

somebody ever, ever.

:

00:56:53,772 --> 00:56:55,242

Don't ever be afraid to ask.

:

00:56:55,862 --> 00:56:57,862

That's an amazing way to end this episode.

:

00:56:57,892 --> 00:57:01,082

Honestly, if you only listened to that

one minute, I think it was worth it.

:

00:57:01,352 --> 00:57:02,362

I hope you enjoyed it.

:

00:57:02,642 --> 00:57:06,142

Boyd, I, I wanted to, thank you

again , for being here and being so

:

00:57:06,142 --> 00:57:07,972

vulnerable and open with the conversation.

:

00:57:07,972 --> 00:57:11,242

These are the types of

conversations that I want to.

:

00:57:11,472 --> 00:57:15,932

Encourage more men to start having

because it's super helpful for me.

:

00:57:15,962 --> 00:57:18,532

Like I learned a lot just from

talking to you guys today.

:

00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:23,582

And so part of the reason I do

this podcast is so I can learn.

:

00:57:23,972 --> 00:57:25,482

And so I wanted to thank you for that.

:

00:57:25,832 --> 00:57:28,212

One of the things you mentioned

is you want to help people.

:

00:57:28,242 --> 00:57:28,882

Well, guess what?

:

00:57:29,152 --> 00:57:31,542

Today, Boyd, you helped a lot of people.

:

00:57:31,712 --> 00:57:32,972

So really, thank you.

:

00:57:32,972 --> 00:57:35,422

And it's just a pleasure knowing you.

:

00:57:35,717 --> 00:57:38,507

So I definitely appreciate

you guys too, man.

:

00:57:38,507 --> 00:57:40,757

And Eric, it was nice to

meet you today too, brother.

:

00:57:40,847 --> 00:57:44,267

And I wish you guys and your

family is nothing but the best.

:

00:57:44,407 --> 00:57:48,017

And if you want to hit me

back up, you got my email.

:

00:57:48,297 --> 00:57:48,477

Yeah.

:

00:57:48,477 --> 00:57:50,077

We're talking about hand towels next time.

:

00:57:50,077 --> 00:57:50,327

Right?

:

00:57:50,437 --> 00:57:51,147

Absolutely.

:

00:57:51,897 --> 00:57:52,177

All right.

:

00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:52,807

Thanks guys.

:

00:57:52,807 --> 00:57:53,267

Talk soon.

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About the Podcast

Dads Interrupted
Real Talk on Fatherhood, Relationships, & Growth
What does it mean to be a good man—and a present dad—in a world that never taught you how?
Dads Interrupted is a podcast about fatherhood, masculinity, and the journey to becoming the man your family actually needs. Hosted by men’s coach and dad of 12+ years Fred Van Riper, Dads Interrupted dives deep into the conversations men aren’t having—but desperately need.

We explore what it means to lead with purpose, break free from outdated roles, and build the kind of relationships that change everything—at home, at work, and in your own head.

You’ll hear honest, real-world stories from men navigating fatherhood, marriage, emotional growth, and the myths that hold us back. As a Certified Fair Play Facilitator, Fred offers tools for shared responsibility, emotional leadership, and creating a home that works for everyone.

This isn’t about losing power—it’s about gaining something far greater: Respect. Intimacy. Legacy.

If you’re ready to break the cycle and build something better—this podcast is your starting point.

Support the show here so we can keep bringing you powerful conversations:
https://dads-interrupted.captivate.fm/

Visit https://www.seatatthetablecoaching.com/ for more tools and coaching resources.
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About your host

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Frederick Van Riper

Hi, I'm Fred, a coach, father, and the creator of Seat at the Table Coaching.

I work with men who are doing a lot right on paper…

but still feel like they’re missing at home, stuck in their heads, or showing up as someone they don’t quite recognize.

This pod is where we strip it back.

No lectures. No performance. Just tools, stories, and real conversations to help you lead with more presence—without selling your soul in the process.