Adversity, Sacrifice and Serving Your Community with Nick Brown

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All right.

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Welcome to another episode

of Dad's Interrupted.

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I'm super stoked today.

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I've got a serial entrepreneur, but

really he is one of the nicest people

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I've ever met in my entire life.

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And he's an artist and he's wearing

his, I could see on his shirt, if

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you're watching on video, Black Seahorse

Kustoms, go follow him on Instagram.

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He's doing amazing work.

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I'll, we'll talk a little

more about that, but Nick.

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welcome to the show.

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Thank you.

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I appreciate you having me on.

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It's awesome.

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Yeah.

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So I always start, , every episode

asking my guest, what does it mean

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to you to be an interrupted dad?

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I think it means for me, it is all

of the responsibilities that you

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thrust on your shoulders as a man.

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, you want to be a good dad.

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You want to support your kids.

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You got to provide for your family.

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You got to be there for your wife.

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You know, , you have to go to

work, provide for your family,

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all these different pieces and

puzzle pieces they had to put

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together to provide for everybody.

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And in the community of men, a lot

of times I think that most of us.

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Seems like I've been told,

, we're not supposed to cry.

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We're not supposed to talk to each other.

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We just hold our emotions in.

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We gotta be tough.

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And I think there is a place

for that and times for that.

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But I think that also it's something that

needs to be spoken and needs to be said

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where I think men need to get together

and they need to talk to each other.

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No, they're not alone because there are

a lot of guys who are probably going

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through stuff that don't talk, don't

speak and feel alone, and I think.

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That is one area that a lot of guys

can both relate to, but maybe don't

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talk about as much as they should.

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Yeah, that's powerful.

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Hearing you say that back to me is,

it's reminding me of all the things

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that I'm posting about, , on LinkedIn

and Instagram that I talk about,

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which is that men are often told.

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. Certain things are just

not quote unquote, manly.

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Meanwhile, we're all human

beings, ? We're human beings first.

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So crying is a natural human

emotion and , it doesn't mean that

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you're weak just because you cry.

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And I've talked to so many men who say,

, if you ask them when the last time they

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cry is a lot of them will tell you.

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They can't remember, , and that's a

little bit sad because , ,, we all

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go through some things that you must

be feeling something that would make

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you feel that way at some point.

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But,, to your point, yes, there are

times where you got to push through

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and,, be strong, but that doesn't mean

you have to ignore all of your feelings

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and keep them down and never, never cry.

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Right.

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Well, to add to that a little bit, I

think when it comes to strength and

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courage and those types of things, I

think a lot of men can identify with.

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I think some of that strength and

courage comes with doing things

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that are hard, doing things that

are difficult, doing things you're

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told you're not supposed to do.

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. In that respect, talking about

your feelings is something

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you're told not to do.

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So there is a way I think you can

look at it from a point of courage

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and, , strength of saying, listen, this

is nothing we're not supposed to do.

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, we're told we're not supposed

to do this for our kids.

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Do it anyways, because it is important.

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You got to, , attack that

mountain, whatever it is.

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And I think that's something that

actually is a sign of courage.

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And strength to actually do

something that so many people think

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you're not supposed to do that.

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In some ways, that's kind of

that whole being a man thing.

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And I think guys that shy away from

that maybe misunderstand that or

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for whatever reason, don't see that

in the same light . So, , and I'm

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always open to having discussions with

people who disagree with me because

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I think that's how we learn and grow.

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But I do believe truly that., being in

touch with your feelings is really the

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path to having those sustainable and

connected relationships and friendships,

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being a better dad, being a better

husband, being a better person, , to

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the stranger on the street, when you

actually , are knowing how you're truly

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feeling and not just assuming Or ignoring.

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So, , that's powerful stuff, man.

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, tell the audience a little bit about

yourself , , I want the people that are

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listening to kind of hear just a little

bit about who you are, what you do,

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.

Yeah.

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So I own a company Black Seahorse Kustoms.

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We specialize in mobile

detailing, but I'm also an artist.

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I go ahead and I do airbrush art.

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I'm working on my pinstripe art as well.

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I've been an airbrush

artist for about 18 years.

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So professionally, that's what I do.

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I also have a, another full time job

while I'm building my business as

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a custodian, so I work quite a bit

which does put a strain on things

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a little bit, my family and stuff.

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My daughter is in college, so

it kind of helps a little bit.

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But then as far as like.

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Other things, I love hiking.

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I like the outdoors, love the mountains.

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My friends and I are hiking

the Colorado Trail right now.

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We're section hiking it.

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And then,, spend time with my wife.

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, we find time either at dinner

time or in the morning sometime

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to spend time together.

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But that is one thing I do

struggle with right now.

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Is with business and job and everything

else is trying to find time for her

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too, because she is important and, and

letting her know that I love her, letting

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you know that I care and there's a lot

of times like she'll come up to my work

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at dinnertime and have dinner with me.

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She'll bring me dinner and maybe

we'll have, , a moment in the morning.

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Before she goes work, maybe half

an hour, . So we don't get a lot of

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time, but , we try to spend some good

quality time together when we can.

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But when you're starting a

business, it's really, really hard.

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And so that is one area I

definitely need to get better at.

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. . I can relate.

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I think a lot of people listening

probably can relate to that.

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And especially in this world

of distractions, it's finding

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those little glimmers, those

little moments in your day.

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Yeah.

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Sometimes it's easier, I

think, to, to, get distracted,

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, to hop on your phone, look on social

media, , you get a little stressed and

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a stress reliever can be social media.

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I've really worked hard

to , get that habit kicked.

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But.

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It's something where , it's easy.

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It's right in your pocket,

typically pick it up.

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? So you got to have some good, strong

boundaries , and those moments, which I

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like to say are opportunities to connect.

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You have to take advantage of those.

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So that's, , you're not the

only one struggling with that.

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Nick, I can guarantee you that.

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, I asked you a question before we hopped

on about what you struggle with the

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most in your relationship and you said

bringing up hard topics when they happen.

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So sometimes , if something

happens ? Sometimes I, I know when I

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was younger, especially I would shy

away , from a conflict, ? I think a

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lot of us kind of want to do that.

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Nobody wants to have an argument,

but sometimes it's important to

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have that difficult conversation.

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So for me, one of the things I've

struggled with is in the moment when

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that thing happens, whatever it may

happen to be is bringing it up and be

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like, Hey, we need to talk about X, Y, Z.

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I might bring it up a little later.

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It's still good that we talk about

it, but that's one area I definitely

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need to work on is this happened.

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Let's address it now

versus two days later.

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, I was thinking about it

and here's the thing.

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. And I think it's important

to get on top of things.

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So they don't build resentment.

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Doesn't build problems.

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Don't build.

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You don't have two or three other

things that happened between that

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time and when you talked about it.

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And then it's like, you have this measure.

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Three or four topics

you got to talk about.

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So sometimes that can feel overwhelming.

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So I do think that that's one

area I still need to work on.

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And everybody has stuff to work on,

but that's one area specifically

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is me that I need to work on is

bringing up stuff right in the moment

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when it happens to deal with it.

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And so , it's settled and figure it

out and we can move on from there.

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I think that's super important.

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I struggle with that too.

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, and one of the things I've noticed about

myself is when those things come up for

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me, what I tend to do is make assumptions.

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Yeah.

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I don't know if you do this, make

assumptions about what my wife meant or

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, , what she might be like feeling , rather

than being curious and asking a question.

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, I'll internalize the meaning

behind whatever the situation is.

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. And to your point, if you let it fester

and then maybe something else happens.

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Now you've got two things that you are

assigning meaning to that may not be

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accurate, and oftentimes they're not

accurate, I've found in my own life,

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in my own relationship, and so, , yeah,

then it becomes a conflict that never

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needed to happen because you've let that

stew, so to speak, , and sit there and

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boil, and now , , the pot's overflowing,

and you're like, , you react instead

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of talking, , you're now angry and

you're angry at nothing or you're angry

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at something that isn't even real.

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That's happened to me.

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And, I am a communication coach for men.

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So it's funny because people

assume , Oh, he's an expert.

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He knows all this stuff.

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Yeah, I do.

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But that doesn't mean

I don't fall down too.

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All right, so , we all

struggle with the same stuff.

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And I think the important thing

for me that I've found , is not

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assigning a meaning, bringing it up

right away and saying what you mean.

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I think that's really hard for men

and it seems a little easier for

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women just generalizing because if you

haven't had that practice of talking

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about your feelings and saying the

true feelings on your heart, then.

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What I've done in the past is I'll

tiptoe around it and say something

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that's I'm bringing it up, but I'm

not actually saying what I mean.

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So I'm bringing up the issue, but I'm

saying it in a different way that's

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not direct, because I'm trying to

avoid that conflict, and so it ends up

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actually doing the opposite most times,

because my wife is very direct, and

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she likes direct communication, and I

think most people appreciate that too.

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So you have to know your partner, ? I

think it's important to definitely

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say the things you mean accurately.

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And one of the books I love reading

, is called The Four Agreements.

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The book itself it's a

really interesting book.

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And one of the agreements, the first

one is be impeccable with your word.

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And when we think about being impeccable

with our word, it's , Say what you mean.

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, don't tiptoe around issues.

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Don't bring it up in a

back door sort of way.

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Just say what you mean, say what you

need and honor yourself in that way.

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So , that's really helpful.

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Yeah.

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I think with that too, as guys, and I

know with my wife and I don't know if

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your wife or other women, but I think

women are used to having conversations

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with each other growing up and, and

getting into the nitty gritty and

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how do I feel and all this stuff.

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Men don't have that.

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And so in some sense, women have a leg

up on that conversation, the experience

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of like expressing your feelings,

expressing how you feel in the moment

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where men maybe don't have that.

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And we have to work harder to some

degree to actually express our feelings,

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how we feel, what that looks like.

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To our wives . Cause we, and part of

it too, is we express who we are and

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how we are differently than women.

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You know, a lot of guys, especially

industries I've worked in in the past

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of you give each other crap, you joke

around, you make fun of each other.

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That's kind of how you bond as

guys, like, , that kind of stuff.

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And I think that's different than

the whole, , I really had a bad day.

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I had to argue with my wife, this

thing happened, blah, blah, blah.

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Guys just don't do that.

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And so if you don't have experience

with that, it does make it harder

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to then communicate to your wife.

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Where she has experience or experience

with those types of things and

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probably , can communicate even

better because of all that experience.

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Yeah.

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And a lot of men I talked to and

myself in the past, , included in

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this have felt in those moments of

conflict in a relationship, it's

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like somehow, . It always feels like

it comes back , to the man often it

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does and I've heard this refrain

over and over from guys I talked to,

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and Bill Burr has a joke about this

and his standup comedy where he talks

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about , why are we always working on me?

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, why aren't we working on you, ? , but

to that point, I think the reason

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why , is because like, to use what

you said, , women have, have been

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practicing this for their entire lives.

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They've never been told not

to talk about their emotions.

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They've actually been encouraged

to, and so they've done it

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and they feel comfortable.

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My wife and I actually talked about

something Really interesting recently.

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She said to me, I would never want to

be a man and I was like, Oh,, why not?

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, I had some ideas, but , don't

want to make assumptions and

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she told me, something that was

actually kind of really insightful.

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She said, because men don't have

close relationships the way women do.

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She said if my friend is in struggle

and she needs something, there'll be

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like three, four or five, , Women showing

up at the door with flowers and candy

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and chocolate and all these things,

, yeah, it's to make them feel better.

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And if a guy calls his guy

friend in a time of crisis,

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typically what you'll find is.

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The guy on the other side of the phone

saying, Oh man, like, sorry, maybe

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he'll provide some words of wisdom,

but he doesn't necessarily go that

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extra mile to be like at the door,

bringing gifts, comforting in that way.

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And part of that , is just the

typical traditional gender roles.

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But.

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Why I guess is that, , I like to

think about things a little more

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deeply and I'm curious, , why

do we ignore care in that way?

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Guys do care.

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I mean, I'm not saying guys

don't care, but we definitely do.

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And if you look at examples of

men taking care of their parents

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or men taking care of their kids,

there's plenty of great examples.

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role models where men are participating

in the care of other humans.

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But when it comes to friendships

specifically, this was the example my

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wife gave why she didn't ever want to be

a man, because you just don't see it as

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often , where they're there for you , in a

real genuine Authentic caring sort of way.

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It's just harder to find.

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When I heard that, I was

like, man, she's right.

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, I can't really deny that.

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It's really true.

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Yeah, I mean,, I have some good friends

that I know if I needed something,

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they'd be there for me, but it's

not the same as a woman or women

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in general, like if you really need

something, they'll come over right away.

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You know, and I don't know

if some of that too, is just.

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But you said the gender roles and

stuff where a lot of guys really,

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it's my responsibility to take care of

my family and my family comes first.

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And I've got this, this, this.

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And if your family's got stuff going

on, your friends might come second,

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they might come third, but that's only

after your wife and your kids and your

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parents and all these other things,

all these other responsibilities.

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So I kind of wonder if , there's a

certain amount of responsibility.

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A man feels for their family and making

sure that they're all taken care of first

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versus a woman where maybe if, and I

don't know this, , but maybe they don't

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feel that same sense of responsibility

or some of them don't to where they

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can go off and be like, I'll be over

at your house and I'll be there in 25

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minutes because she knows, , her husband.

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Has it covered . And on top of that,

possibly the whole, , guys aren't

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supposed to talk about your feelings.

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So it's kind of this, and maybe that's

more of what it is, is you're not

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supposed to talk about your feelings.

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And so , when one man comes to

the other man, I had a really

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bad time, this thing happened.

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, you, number one, it's hard for a

guy to do that for another guy.

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And number two, if a guy does the

guy on the receiving end, a lot of

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times it's kind of probably feeling

like, I don't even know what to say.

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I don't know.

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I mean, sorry, man.

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I that sucks, , and it's kind of an

awkward, uncomfortable thing because

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it's an environment in which we as

men growing up as boys, we were never

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taught how to handle that, what to do.

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And that's just something that's kind

of,, been passed on through generations

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from dad to son, to dad, to son.

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Hmm.

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. That's a great transition point for me.

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: 00:14:46

Then tell me about your

relationship with your father, if

302

: 00:14:51

you're willing to talk about that

303

: 00:14:52

. I mean, we definitely

have had our struggles.

304

: 00:14:54

, there's been things we struggled

with, but there's also a lot

305

: 00:14:56

of things that are really good.

306

: 00:14:57

My dad's always supported me and anything

I've wanted to do, which is great.

307

: 00:15:01

He used to behind me

if I needed something.

308

: 00:15:04

Needed help with anything.

309

: 00:15:04

. He's really quiet.

310

: 00:15:06

He doesn't do a lot of talking.

311

: 00:15:07

So that's one area I think we

kind of struggle with, which was.

312

: 00:15:09

And this goes back to like my grandpa,

his dad was a Marine in world war two

313

: 00:15:13

and he got shot down behind enemy lines.

314

: 00:15:15

So I'm sure there's issues there too.

315

: 00:15:18

And my dad doesn't talk very much, but he

is a big, big giver of time and resources.

316

: 00:15:23

And if you need something,

yeah, I'll do this for you.

317

: 00:15:25

I'll Pick you up here.

318

: 00:15:27

I'll do this.

319

: 00:15:27

So he likes to do acts

of service for people.

320

: 00:15:29

That's his big thing.

321

: 00:15:30

And so you don't always see with

him the communication aspect of

322

: 00:15:34

it, but you definitely see in how

he acts and what he's willing to

323

: 00:15:37

do for you, how much he loves you.

324

: 00:15:40

You bring up an awesome point about

communication, ? , and I talk about

325

: 00:15:42

communication all the time, , we're

always communicating no matter why.

326

: 00:15:46

If you wake up today and you're above

ground, you're communicating and it's

327

: 00:15:49

not only in the words that you say,

but it's in the words you don't say.

328

: 00:15:52

And it's also in , , your actions.

329

: 00:15:54

So there are different ways to

show, , , Your intention, , your

330

: 00:15:58

love, and it doesn't have to always

be words, but I feel you on the words

331

: 00:16:03

thing because my dad was not a talker

either, and he was in the army.

332

: 00:16:08

He had a strained relationship

with his own father.

333

: 00:16:12

He never went to therapy because I

think back then that generation just

334

: 00:16:15

thought of therapy as , weakness.

335

: 00:16:16

. And that's another

thing with this podcast.

336

: 00:16:18

I'm hoping to inspire other

men who are listening to this,

337

: 00:16:21

other dads who are struggling.

338

: 00:16:23

Yeah.

339

: 00:16:23

That seeking outside counsel

is ,, it's a sign of strength and

340

: 00:16:26

courage to go out and ask for help.

341

: 00:16:28

, so if you're not comfortable, or maybe

you don't have that friend that you're

342

: 00:16:31

willing to , , ask for a shoulder , to cry

on going to therapy and seeking that type

343

: 00:16:37

of counsel, it can, really be helpful,

to talk about some of those things.

344

: 00:16:41

So but I want to talk more about.

345

: 00:16:44

, you mentioned in your relationship

strength was taking responsibility

346

: 00:16:47

for your actions to try to become

a better dad, a better husband.

347

: 00:16:52

Talk about what you mean by that and

how you came to really focusing on that.

348

: 00:16:58

So, I think a big aspect.

349

: 00:17:01

Of life in general is the ability of

a person to take responsibility for

350

: 00:17:05

their own actions, because the one and

only thing we can truly control is how

351

: 00:17:09

we act, how we receive information,

how we project information, what we do

352

: 00:17:14

with the information actions we take,

we can control ourselves, our actions.

353

: 00:17:18

Anger or sadness to a certain

extent, , about certain things , we

354

: 00:17:22

can control those things.

355

: 00:17:23

And so if we can better control those

things by taking responsibility for

356

: 00:17:27

our actions, whether it be good or bad,

then in some ways, we have a lot more

357

: 00:17:31

control over how we act going forward.

358

: 00:17:33

And so what I really mean is if I do

something wrong, if I say something

359

: 00:17:37

wrong, if I say something hurtful, if I,

, make a mistake, taking responsibility,

360

: 00:17:41

like, listen, I did this thing, I made

a mistake and then looking at, okay.

361

: 00:17:46

Why did I make this mistake?

362

: 00:17:47

Well, this happened because

of X, Y, Z, whatever that was.

363

: 00:17:51

Okay.

364

: 00:17:52

I need to address this.

365

: 00:17:53

This is the root cause of this problem.

366

: 00:17:56

Maybe that mistake was a symptom,

but there's a bigger problem.

367

: 00:17:59

Okay.

368

: 00:17:59

I need to go and figure out

what this bigger problem is.

369

: 00:18:01

I need to address that.

370

: 00:18:03

So that way in the future, I don't

make that same mistake again,

371

: 00:18:05

or , don't have that problem again,

or at least it's getting better.

372

: 00:18:07

I'm in the progress and process of

becoming better because of that.

373

: 00:18:11

And I think a lot of times ,. There's

so many people ripping other people

374

: 00:18:15

down , and focusing instead of

on themselves on other people.

375

: 00:18:18

. And you can't control

what other people do.

376

: 00:18:20

I can't control you.

377

: 00:18:20

You can't control me.

378

: 00:18:21

Sure.

379

: 00:18:21

We might have a little influence.

380

: 00:18:23

, we know each other.

381

: 00:18:23

Hey, I noticed this thing.

382

: 00:18:25

Oh, I appreciate that.

383

: 00:18:26

I respect you all look into that, but

you really only have control of yourself.

384

: 00:18:29

And if people internalize a

little bit more, I think on,

385

: 00:18:32

okay, how can I become better?

386

: 00:18:35

What can I do to become better?

387

: 00:18:37

The first thing is taking responsibility

for the things you're doing wrong.

388

: 00:18:40

And to your responsibility for

the things you're doing right, and

389

: 00:18:42

then leaning into that and going,

listen, I want to be this person.

390

: 00:18:46

I want to do more right,

less wrong, whatever that is.

391

: 00:18:50

What am I doing wrong?

392

: 00:18:50

What can I fix?

393

: 00:18:51

What am I doing right?

394

: 00:18:52

What can I, that can lead me to

lean into this thing, , and then

395

: 00:18:55

move forward from there to become

a better person because of it.

396

: 00:18:59

The way you say it.

397

: 00:19:00

It sounds so simple.

398

: 00:19:02

.But yeah, it's, it's far more complex

than that, but generally speaking.

399

: 00:19:06

Yeah.

400

: 00:19:06

Yeah.

401

: 00:19:07

I mean, and I think . If you're

trying to be a better human and a

402

: 00:19:10

better man a better dad focusing on

exactly what you're talking about being

403

: 00:19:16

aware you having that self awareness

and then One of the things that's a

404

: 00:19:21

theme throughout every Conversation I

have around relationships is that men

405

: 00:19:26

are defensive, , , they build walls

when they should be building bridges.

406

: 00:19:30

So when their partner brings them

an issue, it's often like defense,

407

: 00:19:34

defense, defense, they get offended

and then they start to play defense.

408

: 00:19:38

And so , I would implore

all the men listening.

409

: 00:19:42

And this is for me as much as it is

for anyone else is to , hear what

410

: 00:19:47

your partner's bringing to you.

411

: 00:19:48

And it's okay to disagree.

412

: 00:19:49

It doesn't mean, you have to like,

say like, you're totally right and I'm

413

: 00:19:52

always wrong or whatever the case may

be, but Hear it and ask more questions.

414

: 00:19:56

If you don't agree with it, , I

didn't realize that you felt that way.

415

: 00:19:59

I didn't see it the way you're seeing it.

416

: 00:20:01

Here's the way I saw it.

417

: 00:20:02

And having that dialogue is way

more powerful than immediately

418

: 00:20:06

defending your position and

trying to be right all the time.

419

: 00:20:09

Nobody's nobody is the whole right

and wrong dichotomy and relationships

420

: 00:20:14

is broken because you're really

just a team working on, on Trying

421

: 00:20:19

to solve problems together.

422

: 00:20:20

And then obviously you have your own

stuff to work on as well, but being

423

: 00:20:23

more looking for validation from

your partner is kind of a lose game,

424

: 00:20:28

because if you need that, then , well,

what's going on really inside.

425

: 00:20:32

. So find out what's happening with you.

426

: 00:20:35

Why don't you feel, , able to

have that power from within.

427

: 00:20:41

And so that's something huge

that , I'm still working on, , it's

428

: 00:20:44

been a game changer for me.

429

: 00:20:46

And I think having that intentional

moment where you can actually think.

430

: 00:20:50

I don't think we stop and think often.

431

: 00:20:52

. We run our days and , they seem to be

the same play over and over and you

432

: 00:20:56

get in those ruts of where you're just

not truly connecting with yourself.

433

: 00:21:02

And so that communication practice,

if you want to elevate it in a

434

: 00:21:05

relationship, the first place to start

is elevating it within yourself and

435

: 00:21:09

having those conversations with yourself.

436

: 00:21:11

So just, again, something that.

437

: 00:21:13

Get sideways when we have all these

distractions and busyness to our days,

438

: 00:21:18

but if you can, just schedule like 5,

10 minutes each day to kind of check

439

: 00:21:22

in with yourself and see where you're

at and find out what you're working on.

440

: 00:21:26

I think that's super powerful.

441

: 00:21:28

I want to talk more

about what you're doing.

442

: 00:21:30

So.

443

: 00:21:32

And, , we talked a little bit about

work and really seriously check this

444

: 00:21:35

guy's work out true artists right

here, , , , I'm not blowing you up

445

: 00:21:38

just because you're on the show.

446

: 00:21:39

I know your work is seriously amazing.

447

: 00:21:43

Tell the audience what you're doing.

448

: 00:21:45

. You're donating some time.

449

: 00:21:47

To, to a cause in your local community.

450

: 00:21:50

I'd love to hear a little

bit more about that.

451

: 00:21:52

So building on what we just talked about,

becoming a better version of yourself.

452

: 00:21:55

. One of those things for me is

the, why you do what you do.

453

: 00:21:59

So I have my business.

454

: 00:22:01

I like art.

455

: 00:22:01

I like detailing cars.

456

: 00:22:02

I like doing those things.

457

: 00:22:03

. But why you do it is almost more important

than what you do and how you do it.

458

: 00:22:07

. One of the reasons I

wanted to build a business.

459

: 00:22:08

One of the reasons I do what I do is

cause I want to be the best version

460

: 00:22:11

of myself and I want to go to help

improve my community in any way I can.

461

: 00:22:15

For me right now, one of those things

I'm always looking for volunteer

462

: 00:22:18

opportunities and things that I can do.

463

: 00:22:20

I do volunteer at the city mission, which

I feed lunch usually on Fridays to the

464

: 00:22:24

homeless down there, but the thing I'm

doing right now, this weekend Saturday.

465

: 00:22:28

Is the extra mile backpack walk.

466

: 00:22:31

Lincoln public schools and the food

bank of Lincoln put on , this walk every

467

: 00:22:35

year to help raise money and get food.

468

: 00:22:37

And the reason for this is there's a

lot of kids in our communities that

469

: 00:22:40

do not have food over the weekends.

470

: 00:22:42

And so on Fridays, what they do is they

put a meal kit together, a backpack,

471

: 00:22:46

and they'd send it home with the kids.

472

: 00:22:47

So the kids and the families

have some food for the weekend

473

: 00:22:50

to get through the weekend.

474

: 00:22:51

And so I kind of had this thought maybe

a month ago or so of, okay, How would I

475

: 00:22:56

go ahead and maybe bring the walk to the

community that it's affected by this,

476

: 00:22:59

? Bring more awareness, that kind of stuff.

477

: 00:23:01

I like hiking.

478

: 00:23:02

I like outdoors kind of stuff.

479

: 00:23:03

So I talked to all my buddies and what

I came up with is a 12 mile hike and it

480

: 00:23:09

goes from East high school to Leffler

middle school, to Clinton elementary

481

: 00:23:13

school, which is where the backpack

walk began to Northeast high school.

482

: 00:23:17

And then back to East high school

at each one of those schools, we're

483

: 00:23:19

going to be picking up a bag of food.

484

: 00:23:21

That we will then

deliver to the food bank.

485

: 00:23:23

And , those are some of the

neighborhoods too, that are affected

486

: 00:23:25

really greatly by , this program.

487

: 00:23:27

And so it's both to bring awareness , to

this event, hopefully helps people that

488

: 00:23:31

want to donate and know more about it,

people maybe that don't know it exists.

489

: 00:23:35

Let people know that exists, but also

it's kind of just a fun thing to do

490

: 00:23:39

a fun way to bring the walk to people

and bring awareness to this cause.

491

: 00:23:43

I think it's important, especially

when it comes to kids, they don't have

492

: 00:23:45

the ability to fend for themselves to

provide for themselves . And so as a

493

: 00:23:50

community, if we could help them in any

way, even if it's small, which is a can

494

: 00:23:53

of food, I think that really matters.

495

: 00:23:56

And that's one of the steps we need.

496

: 00:23:57

, we need to work together better as

a community, I think, to improve our

497

: 00:24:01

communities, if we really want something

better for our kids and for our future.

498

: 00:24:06

, I don't know how anyone listening to

that wouldn't want to participate in

499

: 00:24:11

this program and help their community.

500

: 00:24:13

So if you're local to the community,

you're listening to this, get involved.

501

: 00:24:17

Lincoln, Nebraska.

502

: 00:24:18

That's where I'm at.

503

: 00:24:19

So , reach out.

504

: 00:24:20

That's , such an awesome

thing you're doing.

505

: 00:24:22

You also fostered.

506

: 00:24:26

More than one child.

507

: 00:24:27

Am I right saying that we've

had a, we've had a few kids.

508

: 00:24:30

We were foster parents.

509

: 00:24:31

My wife and I are foster parents

for about five and a half years.

510

: 00:24:34

We had two sets of kids live with us,

and then we had a couple of the respite

511

: 00:24:37

kids, which is basically, , another

foster parent or a set of foster

512

: 00:24:41

parents, maybe he's going on vacation

or doing something and they need someone

513

: 00:24:44

to take their kids for a week or two

514

: 00:24:46

.

And so we had some other kids in respite in that situation.

515

: 00:24:48

So yeah, , we've had a couple foster kids,

four of them actually two sibling sets.

516

: 00:24:53

And that was, oh gosh, this

has been a number of years ago.

517

: 00:24:55

We did that, but yeah, we did that

for about five and a half years.

518

: 00:24:58

What did that experience?

519

: 00:25:00

Teach you about yourself,

about being a dad.

520

: 00:25:05

, what lessons can you impart , on me and

on, the audience here to kind of through

521

: 00:25:11

that experience of being a foster dad.

522

: 00:25:13

It is one of the most difficult

things you'll ever have to do,

523

: 00:25:18

and it is also one of the most

rewarding things you ever could do.

524

: 00:25:22

Being in a situation where

you are not somebody else's

525

: 00:25:25

parent, but you are responsible

for , their health and well being.

526

: 00:25:28

And even if it's for a week, a month,

maybe it's for a year, maybe it's longer.

527

: 00:25:34

There are certain.

528

: 00:25:36

Things they're not your child

so you have to respect the parents

529

: 00:25:39

authority in certain situations.

530

: 00:25:41

And you're dealing with kids who have

been through a lot of different types

531

: 00:25:45

of abuses and other mistreatments.

532

: 00:25:48

And so, part of it is dealing with

counseling dealing with behaviors on

533

: 00:25:53

dealing with other issues that might

run into that you don't even realize

534

: 00:25:56

are going on in your community.

535

: 00:25:58

You know, or maybe you do, but a lot,

, there are things that I was exposed to

536

: 00:26:01

that I saw that I didn't, I think in the

back of my head, I probably knew were

537

: 00:26:04

happening, but until you actually see it.

538

: 00:26:07

Actually see how it affects the kids.

539

: 00:26:09

You don't really understand it

on the same level, I don't think.

540

: 00:26:12

And so seeing that it was both

hard because there's certain

541

: 00:26:16

things you just can't do about it.

542

: 00:26:18

And then it's also rewarding

because you know, you're making a

543

: 00:26:21

positive impact on the kids lives.

544

: 00:26:23

And even if it's only for a short

period of time, , at least for that

545

: 00:26:28

week, that month, that year, whatever

that period of time is, you can

546

: 00:26:31

provide a safe home for the kids.

547

: 00:26:32

You can provide meals for the kids, school

for the kids, some sort of structure.

548

: 00:26:36

I know some of the kids, it was the

first time they'd ever had a dad figure

549

: 00:26:40

sit down and read a book to them.

550

: 00:26:42

They'd never even experienced that.

551

: 00:26:43

And they were fascinated by, and

there's some kids that have been

552

: 00:26:46

through things that, , I have

personally never experienced.

553

: 00:26:48

And so for me, it was a new

experience of, okay, I don't even

554

: 00:26:51

know how to handle this situation

because, I don't have any experience.

555

: 00:26:54

I don't know anybody in this experience.

556

: 00:26:57

So I have to go to the counselor.

557

: 00:26:58

I have to read up on it and

my wife has to read up on it.

558

: 00:27:00

And there was a couple of seminars we

went to and a bunch of other things

559

: 00:27:03

we did to educate ourselves on that.

560

: 00:27:04

My wife was amazing at this.

561

: 00:27:06

True.

562

: 00:27:06

She's very resourceful.

563

: 00:27:07

She found people she needed for

different things, for different areas.

564

: 00:27:10

So it w it was a really

wonderful experience.

565

: 00:27:12

I do encourage people to do it if you want

to be aware that it is going to be hard.

566

: 00:27:18

There is not going to be easy,

but it's also going to be worth

567

: 00:27:21

it to help kids who need it,

568

: 00:27:23

?

And so just go into it.

569

: 00:27:24

Don't go into it blind.

570

: 00:27:25

Make sure you know, it

is going to be difficult.

571

: 00:27:27

It's going to be really hard for multiple

reasons, the behaviors, but also.

572

: 00:27:31

When or if you got to let the kids

go back to the parents, depending

573

: 00:27:34

on the situation, that's also very

hard, but that's part of the process.

574

: 00:27:37

The process of foster care is, and the

goal is reuniting with their family and

575

: 00:27:41

hopefully creating a situation where

the parents can get the help they need.

576

: 00:27:45

And you can reunite that family.

577

: 00:27:46

That that's the goal doesn't always

happen that way, but as a foster parent

578

: 00:27:50

too, , it is very hard letting them go.

579

: 00:27:51

Cause you do bond, you

do connect with the kids.

580

: 00:27:53

And then seeing some of the stuff they

go through too is really hard because

581

: 00:27:56

there's nothing you can do about it.

582

: 00:27:57

All you can do is, what you can

do in the amount of time you have.

583

: 00:28:00

So, but it's totally worth

doing if it's something anybody

584

: 00:28:03

else out there wants to do.

585

: 00:28:05

. I can't imagine , how hard that it's hard

enough to be a dad with your own children.

586

: 00:28:10

So, , having a foster child or more than

one, , in the home, it's another level.

587

: 00:28:17

It's another level of that.

588

: 00:28:19

So, but that's, it's again,

another amazing thing that you did.

589

: 00:28:23

What are you not proud of?

590

: 00:28:26

Ooh, what am I not proud of?

591

: 00:28:29

I'm gonna have to think

on that one just a second.

592

: 00:28:31

I would say, what am I not proud

of of myself is not speaking my

593

: 00:28:35

truth, not speaking up soon enough,

and still at times struggling with

594

: 00:28:39

that, ? I think we all to some

degree are messed up, ? We have all

595

: 00:28:44

been through trauma of some degree.

596

: 00:28:46

Some of it's worse than others.

597

: 00:28:47

So it's better than others, but there's

not anybody on this planet that just

598

: 00:28:51

strumming along and everything's

perfect and everything's all

599

: 00:28:54

cherries and raisins and great stuff,

? Everybody's been through something.

600

: 00:28:57

And I feel like a lot of times

people don't want to talk about it.

601

: 00:29:01

Because they're ashamed of it.

602

: 00:29:04

Maybe it's something where they

don't want to deal with the

603

: 00:29:07

pain of whatever that thing was.

604

: 00:29:09

They feel alone because no

one else will understand.

605

: 00:29:13

No one else talks about it.

606

: 00:29:14

So if I say this happened to me, you

know, no one else is going to get it.

607

: 00:29:18

And I feel like if more people were to

come out and talk about their stories, No

608

: 00:29:23

matter how bad they may be, I think that

would open up more people in addition to

609

: 00:29:29

talking more, to be more open and realize

that, listen, you're not alone, this

610

: 00:29:33

type of stuff happens to other people.

611

: 00:29:35

Maybe my story is not as

bad as somebody else's.

612

: 00:29:37

Maybe somebody else went through way

worse than I, what I went through and they

613

: 00:29:41

can't relate to what I've been through.

614

: 00:29:43

But you know what, if they come

out and they talk about, this

615

: 00:29:45

is what I went through, maybe

somebody else can relate to them.

616

: 00:29:47

And if it even helps one or two

people, I think that's worth it to do.

617

: 00:29:50

So I would say one of the things , that

I need to work on and I do better is

618

: 00:29:53

telling my story and talking about

my truth and who I am and my past and

619

: 00:29:59

coming out with those type of things, but

doing it in a way that focuses on how I

620

: 00:30:03

have overcome some of those struggles.

621

: 00:30:06

For the purpose of helping

other people overcome whatever

622

: 00:30:09

struggles they have in their lives.

623

: 00:30:10

They may not, they have lived my life,

but maybe they can find something in my

624

: 00:30:13

life that they can identify with that

can help them, even if that is quite

625

: 00:30:18

simply, this guy told his story and it's

helping, maybe I should tell mine too.

626

: 00:30:25

One, one of the things I will

mention is, and this is one of the

627

: 00:30:27

life lessons I learned years ago.

628

: 00:30:29

When I was in high school, I was

denied eligibility to play sports

629

: 00:30:32

and activities my senior year.

630

: 00:30:34

Cause I was four days too old.

631

: 00:30:36

Not because of drugs or

alcohol or academics.

632

: 00:30:38

It was because I was born on July 27th

and their cutoff date was August 1st.

633

: 00:30:43

I was too old.

634

: 00:30:44

And in that moment for me, that

was a moment where , it denied

635

: 00:30:48

my eligibility, but it was more

of a denial of value for me.

636

: 00:30:52

Growing up, I kind of always

felt like I wasn't really valued.

637

: 00:30:55

I didn't really have an

internal value of myself.

638

: 00:30:57

And so in the 10th grade, I got this

note from my track coaches and they,

639

: 00:31:02

they wanted to come talk to me.

640

: 00:31:03

And they're like, Nick, you know, I wasn't

going to go off the track that year and

641

: 00:31:06

they told me, you know, Nick, we think

you'd be really valuable on a team.

642

: 00:31:09

We really want you on a team.

643

: 00:31:10

You're really good asset.

644

: 00:31:11

They talked to me how good I was stuff.

645

: 00:31:13

And that note was the first time someone

actually came to me and said, we need you.

646

: 00:31:18

It was the first time I

really felt like I had value.

647

: 00:31:20

So my senior year , when they said I

wasn't eligible, right, it wasn't just

648

: 00:31:25

that I wasn't eligible for sports, it

almost felt in some way that I wasn't

649

: 00:31:28

eligible to be valued, ? I wasn't eligible

to be worthy, ? And what I learned in

650

: 00:31:33

that moment was two lessons, but the

biggest one was, Lesson of how to take

651

: 00:31:38

a negative event , in your life and

652

: 00:31:39

how to turn it into a positive.

653

: 00:31:41

So one of the things I did that

senior year is I didn't run track

654

: 00:31:44

that year, but, or I should say I

didn't compete in track that year.

655

: 00:31:48

I did, however, run track.

656

: 00:31:49

I joined the track team

anyways, my senior year.

657

: 00:31:51

I was a mid distance runner

around the 500, 400 and 800.

658

: 00:31:54

I ran every single 400, every

single 300, 200, all the sprints.

659

: 00:31:58

I did all the long distance runs

and I pushed my teammates as best I

660

: 00:32:01

could, knowing I would never compete.

661

: 00:32:03

I wouldn't never be able to compete.

662

: 00:32:05

I practiced every practice.

663

: 00:32:06

I was a team manager.

664

: 00:32:07

I brought down water, all those things.

665

: 00:32:09

And so for me, that lesson was

how to take something , that

666

: 00:32:12

affected me really negatively.

667

: 00:32:14

And turn it into a positive event that

I could help other people with, ? I

668

: 00:32:17

think that's something that's really

important because there's a lot of

669

: 00:32:19

negative things that happen to people

And one of the tricks is if you can

670

: 00:32:22

turn a negative into a positive And then

flip that switch flip that perspective.

671

: 00:32:28

I think that can really change your

attitude and outlook on life as well

672

: 00:32:32

And then the other aspect the other

thing I learned in that is the sacrifice

673

: 00:32:35

of self for team, I didn't want

to sacrifice that but I had to And

674

: 00:32:40

the lesson I learned with that , is

sacrificing my needs for others.

675

: 00:32:44

. I didn't have to go out

for track that year.

676

: 00:32:46

I didn't have to run on my team.

677

: 00:32:47

I could have been like, well, forget

them, whatever, but they mattered to me.

678

: 00:32:52

I care about , all my teammates.

679

: 00:32:54

And a couple of the guys that

are still some of my best friends

680

: 00:32:56

today are from that tracking.

681

: 00:32:58

And so I went out and I don't think I've

ever even talked to them about this.

682

: 00:33:02

Especially at that time,, I really

found it hard to even talk about it

683

: 00:33:05

because I was so upset about it at

the time, but I would use that energy

684

: 00:33:07

and I would just run as fast as I

could actually as fast as I could.

685

: 00:33:11

And in my mind, I was helping my

teammates push them the best I could.

686

: 00:33:15

And so those are the two biggest lessons

taken a negative and turn into a positive

687

: 00:33:18

and then sacrificing yourself and your

wants for others at time, you shouldn't

688

: 00:33:23

always do that, but I think it's important

that sometimes you sacrifice your own

689

: 00:33:26

needs, your own ones for other people.

690

: 00:33:28

I think that's also important.

691

: 00:33:30

, that's powerful stuff, man.

692

: 00:33:32

I was getting chills just hearing

you talk, tell me that story.

693

: 00:33:35

So telling your story and I know

that's just , one small part of your

694

: 00:33:40

story, but telling a story, , any

story that may inspire someone

695

: 00:33:44

may help them feel not so alone.

696

: 00:33:47

That's how we, as men, as

dads and , as people, that's

697

: 00:33:51

how we connect to each other.

698

: 00:33:52

So yes, I a hundred percent agree.

699

: 00:33:54

Tell your story.

700

: 00:33:56

Don't be shy.

701

: 00:33:57

And if you are shy or you're not

comfortable telling the story , on a

702

: 00:34:00

podcast, , , maybe, start smaller.

703

: 00:34:03

But yeah.

704

: 00:34:05

, I think it's important , to share,

, those stories with people to help

705

: 00:34:08

them and help yourself in a way.

706

: 00:34:10

Yeah.

707

: 00:34:10

Yep.

708

: 00:34:10

So, exactly.

709

: 00:34:12

Some something tells me you

have more story to tell.

710

: 00:34:15

I'm gonna give you the

opportunity I do to tell me.

711

: 00:34:18

Tell me something that you think will be

helpful to other dads and men out there,

712

: 00:34:22

about an experience you had, another

experience you had before we wrap up here.

713

: 00:34:27

Okay.

714

: 00:34:28

I think, as men, we really need to take

a look at ourselves and we need to, we

715

: 00:34:38

need to open up more to a certain extent.

716

: 00:34:40

, find a way, and this is

something I still struggle with.

717

: 00:34:43

Find a way to be strong when you

need to be strong, to stand strong.

718

: 00:34:47

When you need to stand strong, stand

up for what you believe in, the things

719

: 00:34:51

you need to protect your family.

720

: 00:34:52

Do all those things that

are required of men.

721

: 00:34:54

Find that time , but be

able to flip a switch.

722

: 00:34:58

To be vulnerable and to discuss your

feelings, things you've been through

723

: 00:35:02

as well, and figure out how to flip

that switch, flip that perspective,

724

: 00:35:06

turn it on and off when you need to.

725

: 00:35:09

I think that would be key.

726

: 00:35:11

That's something I, I honestly

still, I'm not good at.

727

: 00:35:14

I'm not.

728

: 00:35:15

And it's a work in progress, but if you

can, change your mindset and say, listen.

729

: 00:35:19

Here's something we need to do and figure

out how to control that in a way in

730

: 00:35:23

which I can be vulnerable when I need

to, I can get the support when I need

731

: 00:35:26

to, but I can still flip the switch

when I have to, and provide and protect

732

: 00:35:30

for my family, the people I love, the

people I care about, and be that strong,

733

: 00:35:34

warrior, that strong man when you need to.

734

: 00:35:36

I think that's something that, , I If

I had the secret for that, I'd tell

735

: 00:35:39

everybody right now, but I don't.

736

: 00:35:40

And I think part of that is because

it's different for every individual.

737

: 00:35:44

And so I think figuring out internally

what that is for you, what that means

738

: 00:35:47

for you, what that looks like for you.

739

: 00:35:49

, I can tell you what my truth is, how

I deal with stuff, but that doesn't

740

: 00:35:53

necessarily apply to everybody.

741

: 00:35:54

So I think finding that switch for

everybody on an individual level is

742

: 00:35:57

really important when it comes to men.

743

: 00:35:59

It's a great . Resonating

message for men and dads.

744

: 00:36:02

And boy, if there's , , younger men

that are listening to this, , and you

745

: 00:36:05

haven't actually had the life experience

that maybe Nick and I have had so far.

746

: 00:36:09

And, and when I say life experience,

I don't mean that I'm better , than

747

: 00:36:13

anyone younger than me at all.

748

: 00:36:16

What I mean is that I've seen some things,

? And so I've learned some things and I'm

749

: 00:36:19

working on some things that maybe you

haven't quite seen or are working on yet,

750

: 00:36:23

but if you can start younger and if I

knew what I knew now,, I would have loved

751

: 00:36:26

to start some of this work when I was,

a late teen, early twenties kid, rather

752

: 00:36:31

than starting in my thirties and forties.

753

: 00:36:32

Right.

754

: 00:36:33

So, yep.

755

: 00:36:34

Always trying to become better,, is

a huge message that, , you'll get

756

: 00:36:38

from people who have gone through

some trauma, gone through some pain,

757

: 00:36:43

gone through some hurt, to say,

what could I have done differently?

758

: 00:36:47

It's not about,, the situation or the

other people, because sure, you can't

759

: 00:36:53

control what other people do and say,

but you can control how you react and

760

: 00:36:57

how you respond to the situation or how

you look that perspective, like you're

761

: 00:37:00

saying, flip that switch, flip the

perspective, see it in a new paradigm

762

: 00:37:05

that maybe you never, Thought to do

before and take that negative energy

763

: 00:37:10

and turn it into something positive.

764

: 00:37:11

I love that story that you told about

, the track experience that you had.

765

: 00:37:16

Yeah.

766

: 00:37:16

And you were a young man.

767

: 00:37:18

I mean, you were 18 years old.

768

: 00:37:19

18, 19 actually.

769

: 00:37:20

18, 19.

770

: 00:37:21

So to have that awareness at 19,

I think is something really cool.

771

: 00:37:26

Incredible, honestly, to say that, I'm

going to do this for someone else, , that

772

: 00:37:32

seems to be a theme throughout your life.

773

: 00:37:34

I'm kind of noticing that you're

really helping other people.

774

: 00:37:38

And look, let's be honest,

helping other people.

775

: 00:37:42

is helping yourself.

776

: 00:37:43

And we don't always talk about that.

777

: 00:37:45

And it doesn't mean that you're

selfish, but the point being that I

778

: 00:37:49

think a lot of times people say,

I don't have the time for that.

779

: 00:37:51

I don't have the time to go volunteer on a

Friday to serve lunch to homeless people.

780

: 00:37:55

I don't have time to hike the

12 miles , school to school.

781

: 00:37:59

That's okay.

782

: 00:38:00

I mean, , if you don't have the time,

, I'm not saying you have to do all the

783

: 00:38:03

things Nick's doing or all the things

that I'm doing, all the things that

784

: 00:38:05

someone else is doing, but figure out.

785

: 00:38:08

Moments and things in your life where

you can just make a small change, make

786

: 00:38:12

a small improvement, do something for

someone else without expecting something

787

: 00:38:17

back because those moments, , those

actions actually give you something

788

: 00:38:23

back, , , you don't have to tangibly hold

it, but having that, just that moment.

789

: 00:38:30

It's almost like a reciprocity of

energy you're giving, out this

790

: 00:38:33

positive vibe to your community

and what you get back is love.

791

: 00:38:38

What you get back is feeling good about

you and that feeling good about you , is

792

: 00:38:43

kind of how in my mind, I was talking

about communication coming from within

793

: 00:38:48

first, we often are really our own worst

enemies when we tell ourselves all

794

: 00:38:54

the negative things about ourselves.

795

: 00:38:55

We focus on the negative.

796

: 00:38:56

What am I doing wrong

and not what am I doing?

797

: 00:38:59

Right.

798

: 00:39:00

How many times throughout your day?

799

: 00:39:01

Do you say, Hey, what am I proud of?

800

: 00:39:04

What am I proud of today?

801

: 00:39:05

What did I do great today?

802

: 00:39:06

Yes, you should acknowledge the things

you didn't do so great today and work

803

: 00:39:09

on those, of course, but you also

have to have that the other side.

804

: 00:39:14

So such a great story,

such a powerful interview.

805

: 00:39:17

So glad you could come on.

806

: 00:39:19

Well, thanks.

807

: 00:39:19

I appreciate having me.

808

: 00:39:20

. My last question is if there's one

person, , who do you look up to?

809

: 00:39:24

, who do you follow?

810

: 00:39:25

, who's someone that has inspired you

to be the man that you are today?

811

: 00:39:31

That's a tough one.

812

: 00:39:32

There's, I don't know

there's any one person.

813

: 00:39:35

I look up to both my grandpas,

my grandfathers, and my

814

: 00:39:39

dad and my brother as well.

815

: 00:39:41

Beyond that, I feel like for me, it's this

vision of who I want to become, and what

816

: 00:39:48

do I have to become to be that person.

817

: 00:39:50

And so what I look at is

other men around the area.

818

: 00:39:53

Other men in different situations and

what can I take from those traits?

819

: 00:39:56

What can I learn?

820

: 00:39:57

What do I want to become?

821

: 00:39:58

I want to become a strong man.

822

: 00:39:59

I want to be a man of integrity.

823

: 00:40:01

I want to be a hard worker.

824

: 00:40:02

I want to be loving and

caring to my family.

825

: 00:40:04

I want to be a protector.

826

: 00:40:05

All these core values I want

to provide for my community.

827

: 00:40:08

What does it take to become that?

828

: 00:40:11

Backtrack that and define that.

829

: 00:40:12

What do I have?

830

: 00:40:13

What are the skill sets?

831

: 00:40:14

What are the foundational

pieces that I have to put in

832

: 00:40:17

place to become that person?

833

: 00:40:19

And then work towards those goals.

834

: 00:40:21

So part of the things I'm

doing is part of that.

835

: 00:40:23

So I go on these hikes, I look

for adversity to go on runs

836

: 00:40:25

and stuff like that because

it makes me a stronger person.

837

: 00:40:28

It gives me a stronger mindset

of when it's pouring outside

838

: 00:40:31

or it's freezing outside.

839

: 00:40:33

I got my 20 pound backpack on in the

middle of a snowstorm and I'm running

840

: 00:40:36

to hills on homes like damn, you know

what, most people wouldn't do that, but

841

: 00:40:41

I know it's building my mental strength

because the world is going to throw

842

: 00:40:44

stuff at you, whether you're ready for

it or not, it's not going to care what

843

: 00:40:47

you're going through, and you got to

have the mental fortitude to be able

844

: 00:40:50

to deal with those situations in real

time, to deal with the stress, Push

845

: 00:40:53

through and try to remain positive.

846

: 00:40:55

And a lot of that comes with

mental fortitude, mental strength.

847

: 00:40:59

And so one of the things I do personally

too, is I do these hard challenges

848

: 00:41:02

every once in a while to build my

mental toughness for that purpose.

849

: 00:41:05

And so I would say, , I look at

a lot of different people and how

850

: 00:41:09

they deal with situations and try to

figure out how that applies to me and

851

: 00:41:14

take parts of different things that

they do for the purpose of creating

852

: 00:41:17

who I want to become in the future.

853

: 00:41:19

So I would say it's the person

I want to become in the future.

854

: 00:41:23

That's kind of who I look up

to in a sense, because that's

855

: 00:41:27

kind of who I'm chasing after.

856

: 00:41:29

That reminds me of that

Matthew McConaughey speech.

857

: 00:41:31

Yeah, his great, his

Oscar acceptance speech

858

: 00:41:33

I think there's a lot of truth in

that, and I do like that speech

859

: 00:41:35

too, but I think there's truth

in that because that's something.

860

: 00:41:39

You can actually become . It's not,

I looked up to Michael Jordan cause

861

: 00:41:43

he's a great basketball player.

862

: 00:41:44

Well, I'm not going to be

a great basketball player.

863

: 00:41:46

I'm not going to be Michael Jordan.

864

: 00:41:48

But I can be the best version of myself.

865

: 00:41:50

What do I define that as?

866

: 00:41:52

What does that mean for me?

867

: 00:41:54

I'm not going to be that

today and that's okay.

868

: 00:41:57

But 10 years now, five years now, 20,

whatever that time period is, what

869

: 00:42:01

would I have to do to become that?

870

: 00:42:03

And then chase after that thing, do those

things, , and define what that is to you.

871

: 00:42:08

And that's kind of who I look up

to is who I plan to be, who I'm

872

: 00:42:12

going to become down the road.

873

: 00:42:13

The coolest part about that story is,

and I, I don't remember if it's in the

874

: 00:42:16

speech or if it's in his book, but , he

tells an anecdote added to that.

875

: 00:42:21

That story that someone had come and

asked him 10 years after he had told

876

: 00:42:25

this person, , Hey, you, finally

became the person you want to be.

877

: 00:42:30

And he said, no, he said, I'm

still chasing myself 10 years

878

: 00:42:33

from now, because . You're always

trying to get better every day.

879

: 00:42:36

So he got better for 10 years, but

he's now chasing the next 10 years.

880

: 00:42:41

. So, and I love how you

brought up core values.

881

: 00:42:43

When's the last time you've

written down your values?

882

: 00:42:45

, what do you value, , and as

if you're in a relationship.

883

: 00:42:48

I encourage you to sit down with your

partner and talk about your shared

884

: 00:42:52

core values, because if you don't

know what your partner's valuing,

885

: 00:42:55

and that can change over time.

886

: 00:42:57

So - it's a good idea to

practice that every so often.

887

: 00:43:00

Hey, what are we still,

what are we talking about?

888

: 00:43:01

What are our goals together?

889

: 00:43:02

What are we trying to achieve?

890

: 00:43:03

What are you trying to achieve?

891

: 00:43:04

How can I help you?

892

: 00:43:05

How can you help me?

893

: 00:43:06

All those things, those conversations,

if you're not having them, I highly

894

: 00:43:10

recommend start having , some real

conversations with your partner.

895

: 00:43:12

If you want a rich relationship, that's

the type of work that you need to do.

896

: 00:43:18

And you got , to be a little

vulnerable in those moments to , be

897

: 00:43:20

willing to have those conversations

with yourself and with your partner.

898

: 00:43:23

Dude, so good to talk to you, man.

899

: 00:43:26

And I knew there was

a reason I liked you.

900

: 00:43:27

It's because you and me are

both, we're the, we're the same.

901

: 00:43:30

We both run in the snow and the

wind and the rain and crazy stuff.

902

: 00:43:33

So it's like, it's like, we're two

peas in the same pot, so to speak.

903

: 00:43:39

But yeah.

904

: 00:43:40

Hey, thanks for taking

your time out today.

905

: 00:43:41

I know you're busy.

906

: 00:43:42

Obviously we talked about all the things

you're doing, so appreciate you , carving

907

: 00:43:45

out an hour to chat and I hope, , for

those listening, you Again, just remind

908

: 00:43:50

everybody where they can find you.

909

: 00:43:51

Nick underscore J dot Brown is

my personal Instagram account.

910

: 00:43:56

And then Black Seahorse Kustoms.

911

: 00:43:58

Kustoms is spelled like K, would

be my business account, so.

912

: 00:44:01

Awesome.

913

: 00:44:01

Yeah, check this guy out, man.

914

: 00:44:04

Killer, man.

915

: 00:44:05

Alright, we'll talk soon.

916

: 00:44:06

Love you, bud.

917

: 00:44:07

Alright, love you, man.

918

: 00:44:08

See you later.

919

: 00:44:09

See ya.

920

: 00:44:10

Bye.